November 2005 Archives
Here are the things for which I am particularly appreciative and thankful this Thanksgiving Day:
¨ The helpfulness of my husband, Rick, who does all kinds of computer stuff to make life easier; who does lots of things to keep the household running smoothly; who listens to my ideas and gives me thoughtful feedback; and who helped with some critical aspects of the dinner preparations today
¨ The deep, comfortable, easy-going love that Rick and I share
¨ Our nice, quiet, casual Thanksgiving
¨ My stepdaughters, who are growing up so fast, and the time Rick and I got to spend with #3 last night, playing cards and laughing (even though she busted me for whining about playing Hearts!)
¨ Roly and Lilah—and especially for Roly’s wagging tail!
¨ The warmish day we had today that allowed the dogs to have marrow bones outside
¨ The telephone, for being able to stay connected with far away family
¨ The love of my family in NC and knowing that they are carrying on tradition—even though I’m not there, I can “be there.”
¨ My 85-year-old newly widowed dad, having cooked his first turkey by himself plus mashed potatoes and gravy from scratch! (Even though he spent Thanksgiving with the rest of my family in North Carolina—he just wanted his own turkey!)
¨ Our cozy house
¨ Our Nordic Track and LifeCycle so that I can exercise indoors
¨ The influx of ideas I’ve had over the last 24 hours about what I want to do to spread the Recreating Eden and the other understandings I channel from Higher Wisdom
¨ The dream I had of my mom early this morning that felt like being with her
¨ The Internet and all the possibilities it empowers
¨ My patient and very accommodating webmaster
¨ All the wonderful friends I’ve met online, and the ones I haven’t yet met
¨ The cool folks who read my blog
¨ All those who are consciously choosing Heaven on Earth
What a lovely, high-energy weekend! I am feeling empowered and joyful—there’s definitely been a trend upward in frequency over the last week or so. I’m not sure to what to attribute it—the sun’s been shining and Roly’s been wagging his tail and I’ve been spending time over at Powerful Intentions, playing in the high energy there. We also had a Crosby Stills & Nash-athon Friday night, and Rick and I hung out at home and played Gin (didn’t DRINK gin—I actually had a little warm sake, though) and ordered from a new neighborhood Thai restaurant. It always lifts things a little when I can spend my time playing with Rick instead of cooking and doing KP!
Another energy booster was listening to the tape of the talk I did for Spiritual Frontiers Fellowship in Raleigh October 6. You know that I am usually not too crazy about listening to myself, but I have to say, I really enjoyed listening to this talk! I had forgotten much of what I had said, and it was really neat to listen to the enthusiastic response of the audience again. It made me want to hurry up and go out and speak! Love the teleseminars, but there's nothing like being able to see people's faces!
I mentioned that Roly is wagging his tail again! Yay! He looks to be about 95% back to normal. I took him to the vet for acupuncture on Wed., and got the results of the x-rays: a little calcification of the disks nearest his tail, but no rupture (hallelujah!) and otherwise, perfect. She wasn’t sure the calcified disks were responsible for the limp tail. Whatever the cause, my regimen of applying essential oils, giving him BLM (stands for “bones, ligaments, muscles” and is a Young Living supplement) with Ningxia Red juice (YL’s super antioxidant juice from Ningxia wolfberries) seems to have done the job. The acupuncture helped, too—this last treatment seemed particularly efficacious as I saw improvement the next day. I’m SO grateful to have found a vet that didn’t even mention steroids or anti-inflammatory meds, much less push them. Very refreshing! Oh yeah—the visualization I've been doing of Roly having a marrow bone and wagging his tail when I spoke to him about it manifested today. Big rush!
One more thing--I had planned to send out a Thanksgiving message to my mailing list this week, but after Rick got it all formatted and scheduled, I decided to pull the plug on it. Everybody gets so much email, and I don't want to bug people to death! It's going up on the website, though, so you can find a link to it on the home page .
We had a great turnout last night for the “Got a Problem? Raise Your Frequency” teleseminar. It was a new attendance record—we had 28 on the call! And the energy was extremely high—I had a hard time settling down and going to sleep afterward. The call ended at 8:00 p.m. Mountain time, and I was still wide awake and jammin’ at 1:30 a.m.! Lots of positive feedback, too—which my ego really appreciates. While I would probably keep doing the calls just because I love them, it helps my ego to be willing to continue cooperating when it gets a little validation from time to time. The next one will be December 6 and it will be titled "Loosening the Grip of 'Shoulds,' 'Ought Tos,' and 'Supposed Tos'," which will be just right for the holiday season! As I told the group last night—I need it so I’m going to teach it. I learn as much as —no, more—than anyone does from the seminars as I not only get to channel higher wisdom on the topics and find out what I knew, but didn’t know, I always have the opportunity to practice what I’m preaching!
On a different note, a friend of a friend passed away today, and it’s been an interesting experience to observe my internal response from this particular emotional distance from the situation. I did not know Ian Xel Lungold personally, but some of you may know him—he did a lot of work to promote the teachings of Carl J. Calleman about the true count Mayan calendar. His website is www.mayanmajix.com . His longtime companion, Madaline “Matty” Weber, and I have become friends, and I feel a strong connection with her—especially right now. I wish I were able to give her a hug—but an enfoldment from a distance seems to be the thing at the moment as I believe she is in Mexico, where they were when Ian passed.
As I said, it’s interesting to be at this particular emotional distance from the situation—I’m perfectly positioned to feel the connection, yet to be able to stay at higher frequency and know the truth from the perspective of spiritual wisdom—something that is more challenging the closer you are to a situation. I had no attachment to Ian’s embodiment, so my ego is not churning over the loss. And yet, I felt myself flirting with the edges of sadness today just after finding out. I immediately felt that kind of mild inner earthquake that seems to be the human response to hearing that someone has dropped their body and moved into pure Light again. At the same time, I was able to know without a doubt that his passing was in Divine Order and that he is free now, having left his ego behind to become completely immersed in Oneness. It is easy for me to feel glad that he is now embraced in the ecstasy of Oneness! But of course, I understand the sadness and shock felt by those who were emotionally closer to him, and my Love and hugs go out to them along with affirmations for their comfort and healing.
I know some of you found me through Matty’s online journal http://mayanmajix.com/test_mattyw.html and some of you found Matty and Ian through my talking about Matty on my blog. If you want to know the saga of Matty and Ian through the last 18 months, you can find it in Matty’s journal, but I warn you—it’s addictive reading and there’s a lot of it! When I first discovered it, I spent a whole afternoon and evening reading it and that was when there was far less to read than there is now!
So long, Ian. I know you are pure Light now. And hugs to you, Matty, and to all Ian’s friends. Let the Light embrace you!
I used to feel—and very recently so—that my perspective and my message were unique and that the world was in dire need of seeing things from my vantage point. That, indeed, it was my duty to get people to see the world the way I did, given such a vision through my dramatic ascent in frequency back in 1982—the Swiss mountaintop experience—as I was. Imagine my chagrin at recognizing lately that LOTS of people seem to already know that which I felt was my core message to share! And more!
Sure—I have some details of the Big Story that are unique to me as far as I know, but the main message—the one that seemed so lacking in people's understanding before—was suddenly showing up from a multitude of sources, and not just from other teacher-types, but from all sorts of other people I interact with.
Pondering this from many angles, my ego was deflated at believing that the contribution I have felt so passionate to make is unnecessary. Why would I feel so much energy for writing and teaching if I have nothing new to offer? (This is false, by the way! You know ego—very one dimensional with a big glob of Vaseline on its lens.) And then it struck me—the reason it suddenly seems that people already see what I see and more, is that my intention for what seems like forever has been to “play with the big kids.” And, by golly, I finally am! By the Law of Attraction, I am magnetizing people into my sphere that already see higher than those that I was “playing with” for most of my life. So of course it suddenly looks like everyone already “gets” it! And that is to be celebrated, not bemoaned!
Feeling a bit adrift and with the sad feeling that maybe my contribution was superfluous, I consulted Higher Wisdom via a tarot reading last night. (I love Tarot.com .) It turned out to be the most enlightening, encouraging, supportive reading I’ve ever had. I always approach divination of any kind as being a tool for my Spirit to communicate with me, and I always affirm that I will receive that which I need to receive from it. (Sometimes, the message I receive is that it was not the right time for a reading and that I needed to pay closer attention to the energy and not use divination as a crutch!) Last night, it was clear that getting a reading was timely and appropriate as the cards had exactly the issue spelled out, and the reading “said” exactly what I needed to help me feel enfolded and inspired and in alignment with my wisdom. After studying it, I was clear that I am already riding the wave of my destiny—which, of course, is being steered from the wisest aspect of me, and no matter what my ego fears are, I can't mess up. "Relax, Julia," was a main theme of the message! (Imagine that.)
What I understand now—some from the tarot reading; mostly just from getting ego out of the way sufficiently to allow a rise in perspective—is that by following the “juice,” I will know each step on the path, and the path of worrying about it is NOT juicy! In fact, that path runs off in the ditch every time! Because I feel energized when I’m channeling Higher Wisdom and sharing it means that is what I get to do. I GET to do it—I don’t HAVE to do it—I GET to do it! It is not my duty, but my privilege. It doesn’t matter who else benefits or doesn’t benefit. And the truth is that it’s none of my business who knows what and who doesn’t know what. It’s my sacred task to simply continue to express what I am inspired to express, and let it benefit whomever it’s meant to benefit. The “Universal Administrators” will figure that part out—who the audience is and why. I do not need to—it’s not my job. My job is to follow the joy and know that as long as I’m feeling energized and joyful by sharing my perspective, I’m on track with my life and my purpose. And though much of that is not "new news," the breakthrough is that I believe my ego is finally "getting" it!
Don’t ya just love the way this game works?!
After a week of knowing something is wrong with Roly, our little boy dachshund, and continually getting the message NOT to take him to the vet, I finally got the go ahead from inner guidance, and decided it was time to look once more for a holistically-oriented vet here in Denver. The last time I tried to find one was when our dearly departed Luna was very ill, and the “regular” vets ran out of things to try for her, and when I couldn’t really find a holistic vet with a broader repertoire, I ended up taking her to a classical homeopath, who prescribed remedies that didn’t seem to help her much if at all. Not dissing homeopathy—it just didn’t do the job in this case. I thought about taking her to Boulder to see Dr. Silver, a well-known holistic vet in the area, but for various reasons, that turned out not to be the right thing to do, either. So, in that case, I took matters into my own hands and brought her back from the brink based totally on my intuition about her treatment, and she lived another 8 weeks—a great 8 weeks—before her time on the planet with us finally expired. I never had a moment’s regret about the choices I made at the end of her life—I was really in touch with my intuition and all kinds of things lined up to confirm that all was in harmony with the timing, etc. Very empowering.
Anyhow, I haven’t been too happy with the vet clinic we’ve used for years—bought by a corporation, lots of changes, one of our favorite vets left, etc.—so I just didn’t want to take Roly there with a somewhat mysterious ailment. I had thoughts of test after expensive test and them still not having a clue and ending up with them wanting to put him on steroids or something. Sooooo, last night, I set about finding a new vet in earnest, and was thrilled to find a couple of new options. The one I chose is not too far away (there was a closer one, but every time I thought about that one, I felt my solar plexus shutting down, so I took that as a sign that it was not in alignment with Roly’s highest possibilities). So we went to see Dr. Kris Abbey today, and it turns out that Roly apparently has a back injury, which surprised me a little bit because I am very dachshund back-savvy, having had not one, but two dachsies crippled from spinal disk problems. I say “apparently” because she could not see a rupture from the x-rays, but saw some narrowing of the space between the disks in the area where he seems to be extra tense. His symptoms are not really consistent with what I’ve witnessed before with dachsie back issues—thankfully, they are not nearly as drastic. He won’t use his tail, he whimpers and balks at the one step from the back patio into the house, and sometimes when he’s walking, he’ll whip around and check his rear and just sit down. But Dr. Abbey says he does, indeed, have a back issue, and though the radiologist won’t be available to interpret his x-rays thoroughly till Wednesday, we are proceeding as if he has a disk problem. He had his first acupuncture treatment today and he was so great during it. I think he might have felt a little better afterward—or maybe he was just so glad to get out of there and get back to the car there was an enthusiasm for walking that wasn’t there when we arrived! I'm just so happy that we have a plan--we're going back for more acupuncture and the verdict from the radiologist on Wednesday. Meantime, lots of rest and I'll be oiling him with a blend of essential oils known for helping with back problems.
Interestingly, today was Roly’s “Gotcha!” day—the anniversary of the day he came into our lives in 1999. When we moved into our house and could finally have more than one dog, I put my intention to have a little boy dog in high gear. I diligently did all the research, checking into dachshund rescue, and there didn’t seem to be the right dog available in Denver. I found what I thought was just the right one through Hearts United for Animals , a wonderful no-kill shelter in Nebraska, but they needed someone local to do a home check for them and there was no one they knew of that was available, so things were stalled until someone could be found to do one. On Nov. 9, 1999, I wrote a “put up or shut up” letter to God saying, “Look—I’ve been patient, I’ve done all I know how to do. But I want my dog and I want him NOW or I want to lose the desire for him!” The next morning, the Colorado Dachshund Rescue lady I had left a message for a few days earlier finally called back and when I told her the situation, she said she’d be happy to do a home check as a courtesy to HUA, and that she’d be right over. When she pulled up, out came an adorable little 7-month-old black and tan puppy on a leash and he pranced up to door and into my heart. He’d been living at the rescue vet’s clinic in a cage and the rescue lady “just happened” to have picked him up on the way over so he could get out and get some fresh air and attention. When I heard he was living at the vet’s, I called Rick to see if we could foster him until “our dog” arrived. Wise man that he is, Rick said, “Sweetie—maybe he IS our dog!” and I said, “Oooooooh. I think you might be right!” After months of being shuffled around from foster situation to foster situation, Roly finally had a home! Here is a photo of him with Luna the day after he came to live with us.
Today (as I write this, it's November 7) is the 8-year anniversary of a major turning point in Rick's and my early relationship (see the last installment to see what happened), so it seems fitting that I'd finally get around to adding a chapter to the "soulmate saga" today. This time of year, I'm inclined to go back into my files of "Rick mail" and enjoy that magical time again through our writings. He and I both kept every email that passed between us--and, in fact, we keep all the emails we exchange to this day!
As I read the ones from November 7th, 1997, (there are 13 from that day in my files--we were prolific!), it brings back the memories of how my willingness to sacrifice our relationship in order to be in integrity brought such immense energy and clarity and power. At first, even though he'd admitted he'd rather be with me, I was encouraging him to deal with his relationship so that if it was meant to continue, they could continue with integrity. Here are some snippets of our exchange that day:
Yes, OF COURSE you would rather be with me--for now I am the part of you you like the best about yourself. But sooner or later the "uutsy" parts of our relationship--the stuff which reflects what you like least about yourself--is bound to show up. Maybe this is the beginning of that period as I seem to have "lit up" a space in you which you did not want to look at--the part that is afraid of honesty's power to affect others.
It does not change what I know. That is the piece of my being afraid that I did not say on the phone last night. You are doing your best to help us get to a more stable, more buddy-based place to be, and I'm swallowing my tongue because I don't want to spoil the plan. Don't worry, I will do everything I can to be your buddy. I needed, this morning as I read your note, to say this, though. You are everything I never knew I always wanted.
I say this without fear you will think me conceited: I know that I am that to you. It is one reason why it has been frustrating for me that you had not, until last night, expressed any real doubts about your relationship with (girlfriend's name). It is too big a piece of reality to keep pretending about. It must be a factor in how you proceed with her, not that it needs to split you apart, but it is something which you need to look at about yourself and for yourself so that you can bring the truth of yourself into your relationship with her. And with me.
It was good to hear you admit that you feel scared about (girlfriend's) insecurities--I want you to be real with me--which is tantamount to being real with yourself. I am hoping that you will always remain honest with yourself and true to yourself when it comes to (girlfriend). It is the only way to help her. Loving her, but not giving up who you are to cater to her insecurities is the only way in the long run. You don't want to spend your life trying to convince someone of something that has to come from within her--that she is worthy. If she is not up to being really, really honest, then she is not--your relationship is not--what either of you need.
I know. And, more than anything, I'm scared of the hurt. Not for me... somehow, pain and I became so well-acquainted in my late teens and early twenties that I know I can handle it. I see too much hurt... too much pain, and my name right out front on the marquee: Pain, starring Rick Hamrick. This has always been the hardest thing for me to do: do what is right for me, knowing that it will hurt someone else. Instead, I try to avoid the infliction and take it on, myself.
Wow. He tries to be a super-hero. "I can withstand the pain! I will protect all from their feelings and their growth opportunities so that I won't have to bear the pain of seeing their pain!" I know you see the bogus-ness in that. The ironic part is their pain is going to be their pain in the end, just all saved up for them in a huge wallop instead of in manageable doses they can deal with as it comes...
If your relationship is really going to work past the first blush of discovery and fascination and infatuation, you had better--both of you be ready to give it all up at any minute in order to let the Truth have its way. That, in my opinion, is the only way your (or any other) relationship has any chance at all of being a Big-Love caliber relationship--which I know you are VERY capable of and ready for--at least that is my projection in the matter.
Indeed, he was ready. I will share how we got from the "Julia as buddy/relationship coach" phase, to the "We have GOT to be together" phase in the next installment.
How true the old saying is, "If you love something, let it go free. If it is yours, it will return to you..." I certainly found that out on Nov. 7, 1997. It's one of the most powerful lessons I ever learned. That--and that taking a stand for the truth--for integrity--is a gigantic frequency booster! I was one joyful woman that day! While I was coaching him about his relationship from a very clear space, I knew deep in my heart that he was my soulmate and that ours was "Big Love."
What an interesting 48 hours! It began with someone asking me, in a public forum, a rather rude question that just happened to match up to a deep childhood wound. At first, I was just going to let it roll off of me, but apparently, it was important for me to deal with it as a couple of things came along to tweak it so that my inner child just couldn’t take it anymore and I “cracked” under the strain and allowed myself to feel the hurt and grieve the original wound. Which turned out to be a huge blessing! As I discussed just last time, Sweet Julie (did I tell you that is my inner child’s name?) is afraid about the direction I’m moving, and this incident was an opportunity to demonstrate that I will take care of her as we swim farther out into the big pond.
It turns out that yesterday was the Scorpio new moon, and such a melting down to the core to reveal the truth within was perfectly appropriate. A detailed overview (the effects of the new moon go on for several more days) can be found here, and another site that has great information on it is here. It would seem that now is an optimal time to clear out that deeply embedded “stuff” that is holding us back from manifesting all that we have come here to be and do. I know for sure that the issue that was brought up “in my face” over the last couple of days was seriously impacting my ability to accomplish what I’m here for, so hallelujah! A couple of days of hurt feelings and having to look at why they were hurt is a small price to pay for being able to process out some blocks to my progress in fulfilling my purpose!
I got a neat email yesterday from my dear friend since 7th grade, Donna Michael, who is a new age musician and wonderful spiritual-growth facilitator. (On my “Events” page, you can see a photo of Donna and a couple of other friends and me taken in June). She was thanking me for forwarding her an email last summer about a wonderful online short “movie” called “You are the Light.” If you haven’t seen it, you definitely will be glad if you do—it’s exquisite. Donna said when she saw it, she summoned up the chutzpah to call Mary Robinson Reynolds, the one who made the movie, and say, “I love your work—you need my music!” And, by golly, Mary’s latest movie, “The Thanksgiving Movie,” features Donna’s beautiful recording of her original composition, “I Did All I Could.” Check it out at http://www.thanksgivingmovie.com! I must say, I can claim no great credit for making the connection—I just did as my impulse guided me to and sent the link to some of my friends. You just never know when such a small, seemingly insignificant act may bloom into something important for someone. Indeed, that is the way the world turns, so to speak!
I know I’ll be talking more about this in future blog entries, but I was contacted last week by Gary Rebstock, who is putting together a promotional campaign for a book he co-authored, called Born A Healer, featuring Chunyi Lin, the originator of Spring Forest Qigong. I was immediately impressed with Gary and knew before I even investigated the book that it was special—can’t tell you exactly how—I just had a feeling. He overnighted me a copy, and my intuition was right on! It is a marvelous book—Rick is loving it, too—and Chunyi is a really remarkable and humble man who has come up with a powerful form of qigong which is available and practicable by anyone. He is devoted to teaching it to the world. I’m so excited about it! I’m thrilled to be able to help get the word out about the book and to learn the method myself. And I’ve made a new friend in Gary—we talked on the phone tonight—he’s a really helpful, generous person with wonderful energy. Win-win-win!
I love my life--even when some of it is not that much fun!