Julia: April 2005 Archives
This is going to be a long entry. Lots to say!
My trip was great, though, as usual, so fast-paced that I wasn’t able to fully partake of any part of it. In fact, I was so discombulated from all the moving around, I fell asleep here at home on the daybed last night and when I woke up, even with my eyes open, I wasn’t sure where I was! Very weird. Same when I woke up in the middle of the night last night in my own bed, and had to puzzle out which direction to walk to the bathroom (which was right in front of me!). I’m glad that when I’m in Louisiana, I’ll be staying in one place for a week.
I also have had a touch of vertigo for the last week, and I wonder if it’s a metaphor for the dizzying pace at which I’ve been operating lately. While returning home and suddenly seeing with clarity how out of control things have gotten cleanliness and orderliness-wise at our house, and wanting so much to jump in and overhaul and clean things completely, I realize I need to give my body a break and rest. So that’s what I’ll do for today, anyway, and mostly what I’ll do for the weekend.
Leaving out of RDU to fly to Cincinnati to catch the flight to Denver to come home, I had some interesting encounters. The first was with a young man I sat next to while waiting at the gate for my flight—I didn’t sit next to him at first, though. My first seat had been in the only open one I could find, between a rather disgruntled-seeming woman who was sending out “How dare you take the seat I’m using to hold my newspaper” vibes (I responded with Love and friendliness, but it seemed she wasn’t having any of it!), and a couple who appeared to be quite Americanized, but by their physical features and accents, seemed to be from Afghanistan, Pakistan or somewhere in that vicinity. They had two small children, playing quietly, and the woman was peacefully working a word puzzle. But the man kept bugging the woman, saying, “What the hell are you doing that for?” and “What the hell is he doing?” and “What the hell_____________?” (You fill in the blank!) Everything he said started with “What the hell”! To her credit, the woman continued to work the puzzle, and did not acknowledge her husband’s rude questions except for with a withering look. And I don’t mean that SHE looked withered—I mean that the look she gave him was one that left no doubt that she did not appreciate his behavior—quite bold, I thought, for a woman of her apparent cultural background. Finally, he muttered something about going to check on something, and left the woman and the kids in peace for awhile—a relief for us all! About the same time, I noticed that some seats across from us on the far wall had opened up, so I decided I’d go sit where there was more space—both physical and psychic.
A postscript to this segment of my entry is that, when I arrived in Denver, and was coming out of the ladies’ room, I passed the “grumpy” woman I had first sat next to with the newspaper who hadn’t seemed to respond to my friendliness. (I thought it interesting that she, too, was flying from Raleigh to Cincinnati to Denver.) I smiled at her and she smiled back at me before she even realized where she knew me from! Cool.
Okay. Back to the gate area at RDU, and my “new” seat. There I met Mahmoud, a friendly man whom I estimated to be in his thirties, sitting next to me, with an empty seat between us. First we had a friendly conversation about computers, airport “hotspots,” and about his job working on large mainframe computers. When he asked me about my work, and I told him a bit about it, we plunged into a conversation about spirituality. He asked me if I were a Christian, and I told him that I thought religion was too small a box to contain our dynamic, living relationship with God. I also told him I believed that Christianity had missed most of the points that Jesus had come to teach. I used my favorite analogy: It’s as if Jesus came and pointed to the moon, and instead of looking up at the moon, people looked at the one pointing at the moon and decided Jesus was the moon.
I asked Mahmoud about his spiritual orientation, and he said he was born in Afghanistan, had come to the U.S. at age 10, and had been raised a Muslim, I asked if he was devout, and he said he wasn’t, though as the conversation progressed, I had the feeling that he may have been more so than he even realized. We had a dynamic discussion, and I learned a bit about his religion, and he about my non-religious spirituality. He asked me an interesting question and I have yet to completely formulate a clear answer, but I’m still chewing on it. He asked, “If you don’t believe in an afterlife in which you are punished for bad deeds, what is there to keep you from doing bad deeds?” Of course, that question comes from a totally different paradigm than the one from which I’m operating—clearly a duality-matrix question—yet surely there’s a new paradigm answer that can translate. Sure, I can say that the punishment is built in when you violate natural law—and did—but his response was that if your goal was to obtain something, and you violated someone else to get it, and you perceived that your goal had been reached by obtaining the thing, and you were not aware of an overt, immediate punishment, and nothing to fear in the afterlife, what was to stop you from doing it again? I suppose the crux of the matter is that you will, indeed, need to “do it again,” as you will never find fulfillment in that way of operating, and that that in itself is punishment. Of course, in my view, being “good” out of fear is a duality-matrix trap. But I would have had to explain the entire foundation of the new paradigm of understanding to get that answer to totally make sense! My hope is that he will read Recreating Eden so that he will understand that. Not to convert him—just to offer him a new perspective.
I will confess that even as I was having this totally loving conversation with this openhearted man, my reptilian brain was piping up in my consciousness from time to time with fear thoughts such as, “This is a Muslim man from Afghanistan, with a traditional upbringing, and just because he says he’s not a fundamentalist, he might not be telling the truth. Maybe he is going to blow up the plane!” Ack! How did I handle that? It was immediately obvious to me what part of me was trying "hijack" my program (the untrustworthy, fearful part), but I was so clear that God In Me and God In Mahmoud had brought us together for mutual benefit, and that it was divinely ordained that we have the discussion we were having, it was easy for me to tell the serpent within to buzz off. From a practical standpoint, I figured that if Mahmoud had any ill intent (and I’m sure he didn’t), I wasn’t going to waste my last moments of human embodiment in fear, and with a closed mind and closed heart! It is sad to think that I would have had fear thoughts merely because he was a Muslim man. Such is the serpent within us. And, as you can see, the plane to Cincinnati reached its destination safely and my life was enriched by our encounter!
Mahmoud—if you are reading this, I offer my appreciation to you for your part in the education our encounter provided me, not the least of which was, yet another reminder that my reptilian brain is not to be trusted, and that if I am not aware, fear can cause me to fail in doing that which I am designed to do—be in Oneness and radiate Love.
Briefly, I will tell you that my seatmate on the flight was a really neat South American man—Jaime—from Colombia (currently living in Greenville, NC, getting his masters at East Carolina Univ.) who was headed out to visit his wife who is an American, and for now, an itinerant physician working in Portland, OR. We had a wonderful connection and I enjoyed him so much. Such clear energy! He said one particular thing that stuck—he said he’d always had great jobs but had never had to search for a job. He said he would simply make an intention, and the perfect job would show up! You gotta love that.
And finally, on the flight from Cincinnati to Denver, I was seated next to a lovely woman from Long Island who was going to Parker, CO, to visit family. We started talking the minute I sat down and did not stop till we were in the concourse in Denver. She was fascinated with what I told her about Recreating Eden—and I told her a LOT—more in one sitting than I’d ever shared with anyone. It was as if I were giving an intensive seminar to an advanced student, even though it was all “new” to her (of course we know the truth is that she just simply hadn’t yet remembered it!). She was a GREAT listener and asked such perfect questions and gave feedback that made me know that she totally got it. She is excited about reading the book and we are planning to stay in touch. I’m sure she is on “the team”!
It was quite the dynamic and harmonious trip back to Denver. Thank you, Spirit!
Just a quick note to say that I've returned from my journeys and have adventures to share--but am just too tired to do so right now. I'm needing a little time to recover from the whirlwind of the last 3 weeks.
Today, in addition to regaining my bearings, catching up with business, and beginning to sort out the mess that's accumulated during this crazy time, I've been doing some grief work. Thankfully, I now have some time and space to do it.
Hopefully, I will be blogging at some point this weekend!
This is going to be a quickie--not only is it late and I'm wiped out, I'm on my friend Catherine's Mac and it's like a different world!
We had a great group of 12 here tonight. Everyone really seemed to be into it. I asked them to help me co-create the talk as I felt like I needed all the help I could get, and they came through. I was able to deliver quite a cogent, cohesive view of the "exquisitely simple, divinely ordained plan." I believe everyone that came bought a book, except the ones that already had a copy.
Catherine, Hans, Britt, and Maria and I hung out after the others left and had a fascinating conversation about parallel lives, and about dying and stages of spiritual development. We had the "who created the Creator" conversation, with Maria setting us straight about that being a 3rd dimensional topic since the 3-D rules require a beginning, middle and end, and that it could not be comprehended from a 3-D view. I get that...but still--who started it all?! (big grin)
I'll be doing individual attunements tomorrow for a couple of people. I'm excited about that. Then I'll head over and visit my dad until I go back to Raleigh on Thursday to fly back to Denver.
We're talking about me coming back to Winston-Salem in October for another gathering--maybe in conjunction with the Abraham group that meets. Since so many people have told me how very, very aligned my work is with the Abraham material (and I see it, too), it seems like a nice match. I had several folks tell me tonight how important they feel Recreating Eden is for helping people expand their vision. I've been getting that a lot lately. It certainly is what I think!
It's wonderful to be staying with Catherine--AND her dogs. I've been dog-deficient on this trip, so it is very healing to have Gracie and Coco to fill that hole! Off to bed now...I probably won't have a chance to blog again till I'm back at home base, but you never really know...I guess I could post from Dad's WebTV! (But I wouldn't count on it!)
I do not know when I thought I was going to have time to blog--I'm stealing a minute right now just to say hello and reconnect with you (and myself!) I think I understand why Rick and I don't have an active social life in Denver--Spirit is watching out for my energy level and focus! It's very challenging to stay at higher frequency when you're constantly needing to engage in small talk...Lovely people, but few that I have a resonance with as far as conversational topics!
All the wedding festivities have been lovely and the wedding itself was really special. Becky and Will are so in love and so happy, it's a pleasure to celebrate their new adventure (marriage!). I have eaten too much and though I haven't had a lot of alcohol, it has never suited me to drink in the middle of the day--the reception was from noon till about 3:30, so I'm ready to crawl in bed and veg out. BUT, there's one final party, which I need to be getting ready for NOW. Oh well. I'll be a little late and that is just okay! Thank goodness it's super casual. If had to dress up again--well, I don't even want to think about it!
Great news from Ellen--we've got 2 people flying in from Seattle for the "Joy Fest"! So far, they're the candidates to beat for the award for coming the farthest!
Well, I guess I'll sign off for now and go get ready. I'm determined not to do too much primping--it's a lost cause with the humidity. I can leave the house with my hair looking chic and by the time I get where I'm going, my hair looks like Marge Simpson's without the bow!
I'm so thankful to be staying with my dear friends of 26 years, Steve and Stephanie.I have always loved being in their home, which is in the woods, and being in their energy is so soothing. Steve just gave me a shoulder massage and took down my physical tension level a few notches! Thank you, Spirit for soulmates like that. (There are all kinds of soulmates, you know!)
Hope you weren't looking for a grand metaphysical insight today--alcohol lowers your frequency, as does wedding cake, and you'll have to wait till I clear that out before I channel any higher thought!
Hope you got my Spring newsletter email that went out today. If not, you can read the newsletter in its entirety on the website by clicking here. Thanks to my awesome webmaster, Tony Roberts, for scrambling to help me get it done!
I’m packing tonight for my trip to North Carolina (the second one in 2 weeks), and had hoped to have time to write another installment in the “soulmate saga,” but I’m cutting things pretty close, and with needing to get up really early (for me, anyway) I’d best just wait on that till I have a bit more time. I’ll have access to a computer for at least part of the time I’m gone, and will try to post to the blog when possible. It’s a bit of a whirlwind—I am scheduled, literally, for all but about 45 minutes of the whole week I’ll be there!
It’s going to be nice to gather with the family again at my niece’s wedding. I think one reason I’ve been able to hold it together and get done all that I need to do without wiping out in a puddle of grief is knowing I will be with everyone again—except Mom, of course (although, I’m sure her Spirit will be very near!)—for this weekend. I have tried to grieve on purpose—I put on Cris Williamson’s Ashes, which is my favorite grieving music—and listened to it 2 times through, and could hardly work up a sob. I’d like to think it’s because I’m so enlightened that I’m totally cool with my mother’s absence from the planet (in this dimension, anyway), but I know Sweet Julie (my inner child) has some tears to shed when the time is right. With my talk in Colorado Springs Sunday, and now, getting ready to fly out again, there just hasn’t been time to really release. How that’s manifested is a low-grade sadness, with moments of joy. It’s a challenge to experience full-on joy when your frequency is a little bit depressed from unfelt feelings and unshed tears. I’m glad I’ll have two weeks to process things when I get back from NC before I head to Louisiana for the Joyfest!
I’ll be seeing Mary Mooney, my favorite therapist/healer while I’m in Raleigh . I am sure we’ll touch on some feelings about Mom’s departure, as well as other stuff. I’m sure there are people who wouldn’t get this (surely not YOU), but I revel in emotional release work. It is not always easy, but I truly love exploring my psyche, facing my demons, and processing my emotions so that I can get clear. What I have learned is that, what you stuff down and hide away is not nearly as scary as you imagine it to be once you bring it out into the light of day. So much of it is stuff that got locked away in childhood when everything looked scary because you felt so powerless and didn’t know what to do with pain and feelings that were “unacceptable.” When you bring them out in to the light and look them in the face, most of the time, they evaporate—especially if you do it lovingly.
Monday night I’m giving a talk in Winston-Salem at Catherine Jourdan’s new home. I’m excited to see old friends and meet new ones. It’s my old stomping grounds, and I feel so comfortable doing talks, etc., there, as I spent a lot of time doing just that there in the ’90s. If you’re in the area and want to come, call Britt Mittemeijer at 336-765-8989 to reserve a seat! I’m also offering individual attunements on Tuesday afternoon from lunchtime through 7:00 p.m., so if you’re interested in that, call Britt as well!
Well, I’d better head to bed. Tomorrow’s going to require stamina! I’ll check in from NC when I can!
What a week! I was just working out on the recumbent stationary bike, making notes for my talk/workshop tomorrow, and realized last week, at the same time, I was in my brother-in-law’s car, leaving the Greensboro, NC, airport, to see my mother at the nursing facility in Thomasville before she made her transition. A lot has transpired since then! If you read the previous blog post, you know that Mom passed away April 10, but I want to tell you just a few of the many things that assured me that all was in Divine Order. I'm sure you remember that Mom was, amazingly and "coincidentally" placed in the bed that her best friend had died in the week before--as it turned out, Mom died in that bed, too. But there is more. (I won’t go into details on the visit, or my mom’s departure, but suffice to say I have an awesome family and it was as joyful as such an occasion could be. My mom was quite a woman and she left a legacy. For the next week, you can read her obit here.)
As I mentioned before in a previous entry, I was very clear that I needed to be highly attuned with my Spirit to align with Divine Timing in this situation. All I knew was that Mom was on her way out, but there was no way to know exactly when. It was especially important to me not to get caught up in the “shoulds” and the “oughts” and the feeling that I needed to make decisions based on other people’s opinions. Thankfully, I did not get any messages from my family that they expected me to do things a certain way, and, indeed, they made it very clear that the choice of when to come needed to be my decision alone. Dad even encouraged me to wait till she died before coming. From a practical standpoint, I knew that with my schedule, I needed to time things well so that I could be where I needed to be at all times. I checked in frequently with my guidance to see if it was time to go home, but not until Friday morning did I get a green light from Spirit to book a flight home to North Carolina.
I decided not to go into a frenzy and rush home—I knew that the best thing for all concerned was for me to do this calmly and in a way that gave me a chance of maintaining my strength and energy. I decided not to base my decision on trying to see Mom alive one more time, and beseeched her telepathically not to wait for me if it was time for her to go. So I booked my flight out for noon on Saturday. When it came time to choose when I’d return, I assumed Thursday, but when I checked that with my trusty dowsing rods, I got a “no.” Friday? No. I was starting to get concerned because I knew I’d need to rest before my Sunday workshop in Colorado Springs. Then I “heard” Wednesday. I was incredulous, but when I “rodded” on Wed., it was a definite “Yes.” While I’d like to say I immediately booked a Wed. afternoon return, I rechecked several times, and always got the affirmative for Wed. Mom wasn’t even gone yet. How in the world could this work out? But the risk was "only" $130—I knew I could extend my stay if need be, so I booked my return for Wednesday.
I got to spend 3-4 hours with her the night I arrived—and am so grateful I did. I think it would have been much harder if I had not seen her alive again, and I hope she knew I was there and that it comforted her a little. Based on what I observed that night, I didn’t think she’d be ready to depart for a couple of days, and felt sure I would need to extend my stay. She was, as was characteristic of Mom, fighting hard--and I could not tell whether it was fighting to stay--or fighting to go. It was hard to see, and all of us were praying for an easy, quick transition. The next morning, as I relaxed at the house and prepared to take a late shift with her, I sat and prayed for Great Spirit to absorb her, and then spoke to her (at a distance) to encourage her to let go to the perfection of Home—to relax and release and go to the Light. Just as I spoke the last words, the phone rang. It was Dad, telling me to come immediately. When I got there and saw her, I knew she had gone. She breathed her last just before I arrived. Within the hour, the funeral home representative was at the house and we had made all the arrangements. We all agreed to put things in motion and get it done as soon as possible for the benefit of all concerned—my flight schedule included, of course—but also because Mom would not have wanted us to drag it out. Her body was cremated 24 hours later, we had a visitation at the funeral home, the memorial service was Tuesday, and I was home in Denver by Wednesday night. Meantime, a spring blizzard hit Denver early Sunday morning, and the airport was shut down, with people stranded there and sleeping on the floor from all over the country. The roads were so bad, people from Denver could not even get home. If I had not gotten out of Denver when I did, I would have missed seeing her.
Backtracking a bit, when the minister from Mom's and Dad's church came over on Monday to plan the memorial service, he showed us some samples of covers for the program for her service. We didn’t like any of them, and knew Mom wouldn’t either. When the minister said that we could just use a simple Celtic cross, I got chills. I knew that was right. Some of you will understand/intuit why.
I was in charge of ordering a large flower arrangement for the front of the church, to be placed on a pedestal. I had the strong feeling that gladiolas needed to be in it, and my sister suggested lilies because Mom loved them. So I went to the florist and the wonderful, patient soul who owns it helped me come up with a plan. We were going to have pale pink glads, white Casablanca lilies, little white aster-like filler flowers with yellow centers, and pink roses, with lemon leaves, trailing ivy and gladiola greenery. I wanted it to be simple, elegant and joyful-looking. The floral supplier assured the florist over the phone that he could get her those flowers, and so I left, pleased with the selections, as were my sisters. The next morning, the florist called to say that the glads were not pale pink, the white lilies were not open, the filler was not open yet, either, and what should she do? I started trying to figure it out, and I suddenly knew I needed to completely turn it loose and trust. So I told her I trusted her to come up with just the right thing and she said, "Oh, bless you!" As we talked on the phone, I was looking out the front window at a hydrangea bush which was about to come into bloom and had the thought, “White hydrangeas sure would be nice—too bad they’re not in bloom.”
When we walked into the sanctuary and I saw the flowers, they were truly more beautiful than what we had originally planned. They were everything I had hoped for, even though not the exact varieties we had first chosen. Next to the exquiisite Stargazer Lilies, in front of the joyous spray of perfect pink glads, surrounded by happy white tulips, was a cluster of voluptuous white hydrangeas.
What a blessed occasion.
This is Rick, Julia’s husband, writing this short message at Julia’s request. Julia will be back in a few days to take up the pen again.
Julia’s mom passed away about 11:30 yesterday (Sunday) morning. Julia was able to spend time with her Saturday night after arriving from Denver. Her mom was peaceful, and slipped away very gradually as her breathing grew more and more shallow.
Julia is comforted by the fact that the trip home seemed so blessed. She departed Denver only hours before the start of a big snow storm that closed the airport. She was guided to make her return flight for Wednesday, with no external knowledge to reinforce that message. Her mother’s service is now scheduled for Tuesday, so the trip was just what was needed so she could be with her family in the time when it was most important that she be there to help.
Julia plans to keep her speaking engagement this weekend at the Celebration Fair in Colorado Springs (details at http://www.recreating-eden.com/events.html). Please join us there if you feel moved to do so!
This is going to be a quick one--I'm getting packed to go home in the morning. Mom's condition rapidly deteriorated overnight last night, and she's had a 105-degree temp much of the day. As the nurses told my sisters, an adult doesn't come back from that without serious brain damage. She's not coming back. She is peaceful now, and breathing very shallow-ly and seems to be in no pain. It's just a matter of time. Both my sisters and my dad have told her that I'm on the way but that she should not wait for me to get there. The funny part is that she was probably wishing she could speak so she could tell them she'd already heard that! My mom's Gemini mind doesn't appreciate repetition too much!
I feel oddly at peace myself. It's really sad--and yet, it's not. I just have to keep remembering that she has completed her mission and is on her way to reunion with pure Light.
More wonderful, clearly angelic things have happened in this situation, and I wish I had time to share them now, but I need to go pack. If I'm done at a decent time, I might come back and add some. Otherwise, I'm signing off for awhile and I'll chime back in when conditions allow!
First, the Mom report. She was, somewhat miraculously, much improved today! All the energy and prayers are working (thank you SO much), and while she’s still not quite lucid, she’s eating soft food again and tonight when my sister, Ann, showed her a photo of her granddaughter (Mom’s great-granddaughter), her face lit up and she smiled. As she still doesn’t seem to even know who Ann is, that was huge! Her pain seems to be under control, her oxygen levels and blood pressure are where they should be again, and she is no longer agitated. Of course, all her many health problems are still there, and who can say what her quality of life is going to be, but as we’ve been praying for Divine Will, we will trust that God knows what needs to happen. My dad sounded so relieved tonight—not that he is kidding himself about the gravity of the situation, but just that the love of his life—his wife of 62 years—is still on the planet, and not suffering like she was.
As for me, I woke up this morning unnaturally—I had meant to sleep late as I was so tired from the excitement/stress of yesterday. That was not to be as the next door neighbor had landscapers in her yard early, tilling and doing who knows what with loud gas engines to prep her yard for new landscaping. Ack! Not easy to sleep with engines droning loudly so close to your bedroom! When I got up, I was dragging badly and realized my adrenals, which are a challenge for me in the best of circumstances, were exhausted. So, knowing that if I needed to be strong to fly home, etc., I would need to be in better condition, I decided to commit to resting and self-nurturing. I got little else done today—I did a moderate workout to burn off some of the nerve stuff—and not much work. It seemed to me that taking care of my body and my emotions was my highest choice—after all, without them, I’m not able to do much! I kept checking in with my guidance to see if it was time to head east, but continually got a “No.” One thing for sure about a crisis situation is that it really calls you to impeccability. I have had to practice what I preach, and it has kept me from being a totally freaked-out mess. I have been staying in the moment because that is the only safe place to be.
The only way I have been able to stay out of fear is to keep myself as focused in the now as possible. Sure, I’ve wandered over into fear, but it’s such a rotten space to be in, I’ve scampered quickly back to now. Fear is future orientation—future orientation devoid of faith. Conversely, regret is past orientation—past orientation devoid of grace. When you’re focused in the future, you’re susceptible to fear. When you’re focused in the past, you’re susceptible to regret. Neither space is pleasant or comfortable, out of the flow of Life Force and well-being such that they are. NOW is the address of the Unified Field. Future and past are in the duality matrix. And you know that the duality matrix is NOT a safe place! The present is the only safe place ever, but especially when there are things going on that would tend to polarize you to fear. Even my sisters, who are not particularly metaphysical in their thinking, each mentioned that staying in the moment was the only way they could get through the situation.
Synchronistically, I got my daily inspirational email message from Cynthia at Unifying Fields Foundation this evening, and it was titled “What’s Next?” It was about the technique that she uses to keep from being overwhelmed. Essentially, it’s asking Spirit, “What’s next?” then doing that, and asking “What’s next?” and just following the guidance moment to moment to moment. I thought it was just perfect that this particular message came today. It is a time and a situation where I could easily feel completely overwhelmed—and do, if I look at all the things going on and all I have coming up to do and then add the uncertainty of when I might need to fly home and how that would fit with all the other things. In fact, I was having a little meltdown about all of it when Rick reminded me to stay focused on one task at a time. Then Cynthia’s email came in to reinforce the message.
I really love the messages coming through from Spirit when I am paying attention—something that is far easier to do when you are in the only safe place! And, I might add, the only place of true wisdom.
I mentioned recently that my mother was in the hospital with a fractured vertebra. I am really too exhausted to tell the whole long tale, but so you’ll get the gist, I’ll paste in the email I sent out today. I got many loving, supportive responses to it:
Dear Friends and Family,
Please hold my mom in the healing Light. It appears she is deciding if it is time to make her transition. After several weeks of excruciating pain from a fractured disk, she was unable to have the surgery to repair it today because she was too weak, not breathing well, and not lucid. She has not eaten in a week and has been on heavy pain medication, which has not fully relieved her discomfort and she's suffering. She's quite a tough soul, but at almost 84, and with a pile of chronic medical conditions, and now this, it may be that she is ready to go. And it may not be. Obviously, only God knows. So I ask you to send Love and prayers for the highest possible outcome, whatever it may be, and grace, strength, and guidance for our family.
A special prayer for my dad would be appreciated as well.
I'm waiting for more information from my sisters who are there with them--and from my inner guidance--to know when I need to head to North Carolina.
Thanks in advance.
Well…just prior to sending this out, I had the urge to call my friend Brenda, who is a Reiki master, and see if she would do some long distance healing for Mom. She not only agreed, she said she would notify the global Reiki network she’s a part of and have them send energy as well so that Mom could use it for staying or going or whatever her needs were, and send energy to the rest of the family, too. I was SO grateful for that, of course. While she and I talked, she coached me to listen closely to my Spirit and to stand in that truth, and not let fear, obligation, shoulds, or other influences make vital decisions, but to move in concert with my highest wisdom. Really excellent advice anytime, but especially now!
I will say that I was already feeling an extra powerful sense of connection, thank God, but hearing her speak it was SO helpful. She spoke of current cosmic influences and the energy shifts and told me about a bombardment of gamma rays that is ongoing right now, and how they’re really affecting fluids—Earth’s fluids, and our body fluids. She told me she’d been eating bananas galore because of some property of the bananas that helps the body harmonize the gamma radiation. Hmmm…Brenda is very perceptive, so however “out there” that sounds, I don’t know that it can hurt to eat some bananas, and after avoiding them for carb reasons, they sound extra appealing (no pun intended)!
So, cutting to the chase, I was trying to figure out whether it was time to go to North Carolina—or not time. I kept “hearing” that it wasn’t time yet, but with things being so grave, I got clothes and my suitcase out so that if the word came that I need to head out, I wouldn’t be making my decisions under even more stress. Then I realized that I might not have the chance to get some vital errands done that I had planned to do tomorrow, so thought I’d better go out and get them taken care of. Of course, I took my cell phone in case. I had been so, so thirsty all day long, even though I had been drinking water heavily and hadn’t had anything to eat that would normally cause me to need more water than usual. I was standing in line at the grocery store (with bananas in my cart!), feeling so very dry and thirsty again, when it suddenly came to me. MOM NEEDS FLUIDS!!! It was just crystal clear to me that it was a big part of why she’d gone into a decline. She was not on IV fluids at the hospital, and hadn’t been drinking or eating. In fact every time I called in the last week, she was so parched, she could barely speak, and what she said was largely unintelligible. Now, wouldn’t you think the doctors or nurses would have been on top of that? Sheesh! Not going to waste energy on blame, but it doesn’t add to my already-minute confidence in the medical system.
Anyway, I hustled on home and called my sister and wouldn’t let her say a word past “hello,” till I had delivered my pronouncement. I said, “I heard loud and clear from my guidance that Mom needs fluids RIGHT NOW! Dehydration is SERIOUS—kill you serious! COMA serious!” She said, “Wow. That’s amazing—she’s now on IV fluids and it has perked her right up! She even had some beef broth from the stew they served for supper. The nurse said just what you said, and stayed 45 minutes after her shift to call the doctor, get orders, and install the IV and make sure it was working right before she left.” (Clearly, an angel.) She said that Mom even seemed to be in less pain once the drip was going. Well no surprise—dehydration is nothing to mess around with! Even a healthy person will decline in a week’s time with so little water! Sooooo, while she may not be out of the woods, she is in a patch of light somewhere near the edge of the woods. For now, I will be in Denver. I will know when the time comes for me to go.
And here’s a really, really neat goose-bump postscript. Remember my tribute to my mom’s best friend who died last week? Her name was Winsie. Today, after the aborted surgery, they brought mom to the nursing facility in the progressive care community where she and Dad recently moved. She’s sharing a room with a woman who, according to my sisters, was just fascinating—95 years old, regularly tutoring kids from her bed, etc. They heard her life story because a teacher from the elementary school came this afternoon to interview her. Ann and Linda (my sisters) were talking to her afterward and she said to them, “I’m just so glad to have a roommate again. I’ve missed Winsie so much!” They had put Mom in Winsie's bed! How cool is that?
It’s stuff like that that helps you remember that everything IS in Divine Order and that you are always being watched over. And that prayers are powerful.
So I met this nice guy with the videotapes on the Unimaginable Life forum, and we struck up an email conversation. I knew he was special right away, and wished he weren’t already taken, but I was happy to have him for a buddy at least. I figured any man who could simply make it all the way through such an intimate book as UL, not to mention, proclaim himself commited to conscious relationship, and was so devoted to his girlfriend, had to be someone I’d like to be friends with! It took only a few days for our email exchange rate to ramp up to 6-8 per day each way. We talked quite a bit about his relationship, and about my moving toward one. There was something really special about our chemistry, though, and it sure felt different than any platonic friendship I'd ever had, though I knew that's all it could be.
Around this time, I decided to try out an online dating service, and had several guys contact me based on my profile. I liked most of them just fine, and enjoyed emailing with them for the most part, but found myself FAR more excited to see a message from my buddy Rick in my inbox than one from any of them. When Rick asked if he could call me so we could hear each others' voices, I was so excited, you would have thought it was a fancy dinner date with Mr. Right! When I heard his voice on the other end of the line, I spontaneously had the thought, that’s my guy—he sounds like "home." (Danger, Will Robinson!) His voice was so familiar and so soothing to my soul, I just knew that he was “mine”—and yet, he was deeply committed to his girlfriend and their relationship. I knew this because we had talked about it so much. So I decided that he just sounded like the man that was coming into my life—the one I knew intuitively that I was magnetizing and could feel coming closer. I figured when “the one” showed up, he’d sound just like Rick. (I guess you could say he did!)
I can’t name the minute it happened, but it soon dawned on me that I didn’t just like this guy a lot, or love him as a friend—I was in love. Holy moly—in love with an unavailable man. SHEESH! That frustrating pattern had reared its ugly head AGAIN, and I can’t tell you how irritated I was and betrayed I felt when I realized it. I thought that the universe was having a big sadistic laugh at my expense, but I sure didn't think it was funny. I had worked so hard to break this pattern, but there it was, despite my best efforts to consciously move past it. I didn’t tell you the whole story on that before, but suffice to say that in addition to staying out of relationships with men for 8 years, I had also worked with it intensively in therapy and made it clear to the universe by my actions in other powerful ways that I was done with that pattern and willing to do anything to transmute it.
Let me backtrack a bit, and tell you what I discovered about the origins of this pattern of being involved with all manner of unavaialble men. I found this out in the therapy that I had worked with for many years called the Results Method, which was based on Thymo-Kinesiology. I started it in the early-to-mid ’80s with Margaret Fields Kean, who was the originator of Results, and when Margaret moved out of my area, I started seeing Mary Mooney (trained by Margaret), whom I still see to this day when I am in Raleigh. (If you are in that area, I highly recommend Mary—email me if you want her contact info.) Anyway, what we found out by doing an age regression is that it all started when I was a little girl, waiting for my daddy, whom I adored, to come home from work everyday. Late afternoon after work was my time with Dad, who would walk in the back door, pick me up, carry me into the kitchen where Mom would be fixing dinner, hug and kiss me, tickle me, and hold my arms while I turned somersaults by climbing up his legs and flipping over. And over. As many times as he would let me. It was always a thrill—and never lasted long enough. You know how kids are—it’s never enough. Just when it was really getting fun, Dad would run out of steam and tell me that was all for now—which always disappointed and deflated me. Then—and this is the critical part—he would turn away from me, and go and hug and kiss my mother, and they would talk about the news of the day and the important matters of life, while she stirred the pots on the stove.
What I learned from that was that I was the girl that men liked to play with—until they got tired of it—and there was someone else that they discussed the real things of life with. So that’s why I had created the same pattern over and over—while it hurt, it was what I was used to. I was comfortable being “the other woman,” and the one the guys loved to play with before they settled down and got serious with somebody else. (I also learned that I had internalized the notion that “just when things start getting good, they’re over.” But that’s a different soap opera…) But I had cleared all that and was ready to be the one at the stove stirring dinner—or so I had thought. So why, right out of the box, was this cropping up again? What was I going to have to do to move past it? The answer is pretty cool. But it will have to wait till another installment! [soulmate saga, part four]
This entry is going to be a smorgasbord…
I’ll start by telling you the interesting thing that happened this afternoon while I was writing an article for the upcoming Spring edition of Rising Times, my newsletter. (If you’re not already signed up to receive it, just click here.) I was working on a piece about essential oils and frequency, and I was talking about how the Magi brought frankincense and myrrh to Jesus as an offering, and how appropriate that was and why, when suddenly, I was aware of the powerful scent of frankincense! It wasn’t like a memory of frankincense—it was acute and very real. Only a few minutes before, I had applied the oil blend “Clarity,” which contains no frankincense—it features a pungent combination of basil, cardamom, rosemary, peppermint and some other non-frankincense-like oils. So Clarity was what was physically in my awareness as far as fragrance goes. But there it was—the unmistakable, powerful scent of frankincense! Immediately I had the impression that someone had “turned on” the frankincense area of my brain—had tuned my brain to the frequency of frankincense as some kind of message. If you read my winter issue of Rising Times, you may remember my story about the powerful fragrance of jasmine and the frequency of the angelic realm and my experience of smelling them spontaneously in a potentially dangerous situation. The spontaneous frankincense aroma gave me the impression that God In Me wanted to get my attention. I’m still trying to figure out exactly why (just because?), but not fully understanding the reason doesn’t detract from the wonder of it! But it shall, indeed, be interesting to see if I receive more insight on the incident.
I spent some time this afternoon potting up the rest of my pansies. Here on the high plains, pansies—and primroses—are about all you can safely put out at this time of the year, because the weather is so unpredictable, but oh, how I love my pansies! It was a perfect day for gardening—70 and overcast to keep it from being too hot. The weekend was perfect, too, but with lots of sun. I got the rest of my perennial beds mostly cleaned up, and all but two of my roses pruned. It’s such a thrill to see things greening up! And they’ll be greening up even more after tomorrow. There’s a blizzard just to the south and east of us, and on the fringes of it, we’re supposed to get a maximum of 4 inches. It’s already very windy and the temperature is dropping. It wasn’t easy getting used to April snow, coming from North Carolina, but as a gardener in a semi-arid climate, and in wildfire country to boot, I’ll take my moisture however it comes!
You should be getting your invitation to the joy fest in Louisiana early in the morning (Tuesday). If you’re not yet on my mailing list, consider yourself invited, and click here to see the details!
Rick is in Monterrey, California tonight. He was invited—all expenses paid—by the Hewlett-Packard rep he deals with for his job. He left this morning early and will be back tomorrow night late, but not before he spends the day at the Skip Barber Racing School! It is not something that he’d have sought out, but since they invited him, he’s going to give it a try. I told him “not to drive faster than his guardian angel can fly,” and he reminded me his angels were pretty swift, but that he’d be the one the instructors would be prodding to go faster! That’s just fine with me.
And last, the Tarheels won the NCAA Basketball Tournament tonight! It was fun to watch—very exciting. I was sorry for Rick (the big Carolina fan) that he was attending a dinner out in Monterrey that HP put on for the folks they invited on the junket, and only got to see the last few minutes of the game. Carolina dominated Illinois the whole game, even though it was close toward the end. Way to go, Carolina !
I spent yesterday, last night, today and tonight working on things related to the Louisiana joy weekend. I AM SO EXCITED! Definitely check out the online flyer I made, and especially read “A message to you from Julia.” The flyer is accessible from the events page, too. It’s just such a juicy prospect, our weekend. I had seen photos of the St. Francisville area before, but discovered many more tonight while looking for some to add to the events page (if you see three pictures there now, Tony—my awesome web guy—has not yet added all of them as of this writing, but if you see seven pictures, he has!). You must—even if you don’t think you’re coming to the Joy weekend—check out the photo gallery on the St. Francisville website. Fabulous! The first picture under “Flowers” is enough to get you to want to drive to the airport right this minute!
I also need to get to work on the Spring newsletter. I won’t send it out till Mercury goes direct, but want to have it done and ready to send as soon as possible. SO much to do “all of a sudden.” I say that, because for weeks, I’ve felt cerebrally congested and suddenly yesterday, I came to and realized that it was high time to get a whole bunch of stuff done—and it seems it all needs to be done at once! Just glad my brain fog cleared. Fortunately, I’m practiced at idling and then suddenly snapping into action. I’ve almost given up on trying to modulate my energy. It’s wonderful in theory, but I’ve never figured out how to attune with the expansion and contraction of the universe and somehow stay evenly paced at the same time! Ah, maturity. It's such a relief to stop fighting my nature and start aligning with it.
Have you ever noticed that there are times when it seems like there’s a big ol’ bus that has come to take a bunch of folks to the other side? What with the massive earthquake in Indonesia, our dear friend’s passing, Terri Schiavo’s transition, Johnny Cochran’s passing, and now the pope’s impending demise, it would seem there’s a big bus run being made this week! Obviously, that I am not as aware all the time of people dying doesn’t mean more have died this week just because I’m noticing it, but it is interesting to me how “in our faces” death is at some times more than others. It is definitely a time of transition on all kinds of fronts. Obsolete forms are breaking down to make way for the new. Hooray! (Okay—some of it doesn’t feel so great, but basically, it’s progress!) My friend, astrologer and counselor/coach Allison Rae, speaks to this, as well as to the general “lay of the land” for April, in her latest “Alignments” newsletter. You can read it online at her website, www.quantumrealitycoach.com.
Today I received the new set of cookware I ordered. We desperately needed it, too. I did lots of research and finally was strongly internally guided to purchase “Swiss Diamond” cookware. It’s nonstick—and yes, I know the horrors of typical nonstick coatings—but this is different. It’s a new process that has won awards in Europe for innovation and is highly rated in at least one foreign consumer magazine that I found out about. I would have loved a really heavy 7-ply surgical-quality stainless, but joint damage has caused my wrists to be weak, and even average-grade stainless is a challenge for me. So I needed something lighter, and I found it. Swiss Diamond is made in…Switzerland (!) and has a bonded, highly stable, nonstick composite with diamond dust in it for durability and even heat distribution. It’s on a thick aluminum base (lighter than other metals), which can’t leach into your food because the pans are coated inside and out. It has a lifetime warranty against the coating coming off, and they say using metal utensils with it is fine. I probably won’t tempt fate with those, but it’s nice to know that it’s that durable! The funny part is that I didn’t even think about the diamond aspect, metaphysically speaking, until tonight. It occurred to me that since diamonds are excellent stones for spiritual attunement, maybe the food I cook in these fancy new pans will be rarefied! I can believe that, anyway! (wink) The other cool thing is that it has little Swiss crosses on it--that reminds me not only of the plus sign/cross that symbolizes God on the front of Recreating Eden, but also of my amazing healing and mountaintop experience in Switzerland!
Remember to check out that new flyer!!!