Expectations: Letting Go and Liberating Yourself and Others
Expectations are entirely of the ego. When we invest our precious life essence in honoring ego expectations—either real or imagined—of self and others, instead of our own inner guidance about what is most perfectly in harmony with the Whole, we remove ourselves from the flow of Love/Life Force, and end up depleted and at lower frequency. (Can you spell “resentment”?!) Rightfully, the only one setting your agenda is your Spirit, which is the aspect of you that knows what actions are aligned with Wholeness and are consistent with the highest possibilities for harmony. How you experience your Spirit’s guidance about this is that you feel authentically motivated to do what is in alignment, and you feel a lack of motivation to do that which is not.
We are taught early on, however, to sacrifice our right to channel our own energy in ways that we feel most motivated to, and are most appealing to us, in exchange for fulfilling what others deem to be appropriate, and we begin to disown our ability to recognize and honor authentic motivation. It is a major part of our Earth indoctrination to learn to sublimate our natural energy flow and desires to comply with the behavioral program outlined by our parents, teachers, and society at large, so we get very used to just sucking it up and doing what is expected. But whenever we abdicate our energy autonomy and honor the emotional tug coming from others to do as they wish us to, instead of what our inner guidance says is right, we take ourselves out of the flow of Life Force. Whenever we are out of the flow, the energy we have available to us is diminished. Add resentment to that, and it’s a wonder we have enough energy to get anything done under the duress of expectation. Long term, this ongoing Life-Force depletion is deadly.
We are examining a phenomenon that involves more than the current expectations of others. In addition to feeling beholden to the wishes of others in the present, we continue to do what was expected of us by people in our past. Long after the human beings that originally programmed some of the expectations we were duty-bound to honor are gone, we’re still acting from them because they have become ensconced in our code of behavior, even if they don’t fit who we are. There are many, many things we do that we do not feel Spirit-motivated to do, but still we do them, simply because sometime, somewhere, someone said or implied that we should. In addition, in order to meet certain of our own ego needs, we create our own unrealistic, habitual expectations for ourselves without any direct input from others. Until we wake up and notice how honoring them is depleting our energy and make a deliberate choice to stop, we keep on fulfilling our own expectations to our detriment.
Taking a stand for your own energy autonomy and eschewing expectations is tremendously empowering. Deciding to do only what is in alignment with your Spirit’s guidance and consistent with your energy is liberating to a degree that you may be hardly able to imagine. Beyond just freeing up your time and energy for the specific moments that you aren’t doing whatever the thing is you decide not to do, it frees up your psyche and liberates energy that may have been stuffed down for years and years. Honoring your own energy flow allows your frequency to rise higher so that you spend more of your life in the “joy space,” closer to Spirit, and closer to Paradise.
Of course, liberating yourself from expectations is a process of developing healthy psychological boundaries and being willing, in many cases, to risk having someone be disappointed. Remember, however, that disappointment only comes from someone’s ego not getting what it has determined it needs—not from what is actually in alignment. It never authentically works—certainly not long-term—to do something simply to keep from disappointing someone else. That person’s ego needs to be transcended just as yours does, and when you refuse to dance to their ego’s tune, you offer them an opportunity to rise above ego, too. It is crucial to understand that if something is not right for you, then it is not right for the others involved either.
Demonstrating the confidence to take a stand for your own sense of rightness is truly empowering to others because, in doing so, you give them permission to do the same. When you center yourself in your heart and lovingly make it clear that in choosing to do something other than meet their expectation, you are simply doing what is right and healthy for you, you liberate everyone else involved as well. It takes too much energy on the part of all to force situations that are not in the flow, so you are doing everyone a favor when you decide to honor your own sense of what is in the flow and what is not. You may even be thanked for it! Regardless, you have the knowledge that you have honored the Divine within you instead of your ego (or anyone else’s), and that is a huge reward in itself.
©2005 Julia Rogers Hamrick
Julia Rogers Hamrick has been a spiritual-growth facilitator since the mid-1980s, and is the author of Choosing Easy World and Recreating Eden. Julia teaches about the relationship between vibrational frequency and experience.