Hurry up and be patient!

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I’m experiencing one of those uncomfortable times when I feel somehow stymied in moving forward—“stuck,” as it were. I guess I should know by now that this is a phase and that this, too, shall pass, but I want it to clear for me NOW. (And no, I am not known throughout the Cosmos for my patience!) What am I supposed to be doing? It would help if I felt some movement somewhere to respond to—some prompting of Spirit—but all seems to be quiet at the moment, except for a disgruntled feeling of impatience! Can I trust that no prompting means nothing to do but be still and know that all is unfolding in Divine Time and Divine Order?

Getting the message in Recreating Eden out is so important--at least I'm pretty sure it is--and yet, I so often don’t feel the energy moving to do it. It almost seems to me that it needs to be taking on a life of it’s own that I can nurture. I seem to lose touch with power of the message if I pull back from talking/teaching about it for awhile like I have now. Though in some ways I’m enjoying the lull (more time to enjoy other facets of life), I will be VERY glad for the holidays to be past as they seem like a big speed bump in the road of life, and a distraction from disseminating the message and/or doing whatever is next.

Part of it is the guilty feeling that I ought to be charging ahead--but I don't feel motivated to. I feel I need to get on the ball and set up lots more book-sharing opportunities for the spring and summer. That is not really my favorite part—the setting up--and I tend to resist doing the stuff I don't love doing. I just want to write and speak and teach--and have other people inviting me to do so without me having to beat the bushes. My dream is to have someone else find and set up the opportunities for me to speak and teach as it is such a challenge for me to do that and maintain the focus on imparting/promoting the message. Happily, I have been invited to give a talk/seminar at the metaphysical fair in Colorado Springs in April. And I'm also invited to do the Spiritual Frontiers Fellowship talk in Raleigh in October. A start!

You know, in reading back over this, I see that I have perpetuated the same pattern that I maintained during the years of writing—and not writing—Recreating Eden. I thought I had gone farther than I actually have in healing the pattern of self-flagellation I endured during the parts of the creative cycle that seem like inactivity, but that turn out to be valuable gathering and generating times that I experienced so keenly during those years. But here I am, feeling uncomfortable and less than patient with inactivity again! Probably the activity is just as intense, it's just not visible or perceptible at a gross level. Doesn't much of any organism's growth occur in the invisible? I’m pretty sure that struggling against this phase of the cycle is like struggling with Chinese handcuffs on—the more you twist and resist and try to force your way out, the tighter the handcuffs are. So perhaps I’ll heed lessons past and try to relax, stay cool, and ease my way through this seeming lull, fully expecting for the energy to rise and sweep me forward once again. What a concept!

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Where To From Here?

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on December 14, 2004 5:38 AM.

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