Disappointment is of the ego

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I was disappointed today to find out that I was not selected for something that I had applied for. I was one of a relative few asked to apply for this particular opportunity, and when I was first asked, I had to work with my ego not to get too excited over what seemed like an honor (smacks of ego, doesn’t it?!) and not to get too invested in seeing it as the right next step in getting the message out in a larger way. I confess, however, that I was pretty sure I would be selected, because what I am about matches exactly what I understood the criteria to be for the selection. And it DID seem like a great chance to further expand the teaching. So when the news came today that I was not selected, I was disappointed. Part of me took it personally. While I am clear at a rational level that for whatever reason, I was simply not an energy match for the situation, and that there is something more appropriate in store for me, my ego was experiencing pain.

What a blessing! It’s only right that your ego experiences pain—it is the part of you that insists on dwelling in separation and that’s where pain and suffering manifest. Pain is of the ego and the subschema for disharmony alone, and the blessing of pain is that it’s a great motivator to return to the realm of “no pain”—the Divine Design for Harmony and Wholeness! So, instead of allowing myself to wallow in the pain, I chose to be aware of what was really happening. What a great opportunity for me to study the role of disappointment in reducing frequency, in taking me out of the blissful realm of my Spirit! If nothing else, I am grateful that this happened because now I can feel so clearly (yet again) the role of the ego in taking me out of the Joy-space.

When we’re disappointed, it’s simply a matter of our human tendency to assume that something is supposed to be a certain way, and when it turns out not to match the limited view of the ego, disappointment is the result. In such a case as this, feeding into disappointment are self-esteem issues (more ego stuff). When I got the notification that I hadn’t been selected, I tried to relax and be cool with it, but my ego went straight to the “They think I’m not good enough” place! In my body where I felt the disappointment was in my solar plexus. Your solar plexus is where you interface with the world. When you assume a disharmony with the world, a kind of dissonance between what your ego wants to believe about yourself, and what the reflection SEEMS to be from the external world, your solar plexus clamps off the energy flow there and it feels like a sick lump is in the pit of your stomach. And, of course, when you shut down the flow of energy, there is a back up (the lump) and your frequency is lowered. Remember that in order to maintain the level of frequency necessary to feel the ecstasy of being in the realm of your Spirit, close to Eden, there needs to be optimal energy flow.

Now—were the people who decided someone else more closely fit the criteria for what they’re in the process of creating saying to me, “You are not good enough to participate in our project”? I surely do not think so. And even if they were, that is none of my business. My input about me—about the truth of Who I Am—must come purely from God-In-Me if I am to maintain harmony with the Whole and the higher frequency that keeps me in the Joy-space. So I choose to look at this as being entirely impersonal, and instead of seeing this as some sort of judgment about worthiness, I see it as an opportunity for something even more appropriate to manifest for me. I see it as another chance to remember that the only mirror I need to look in is the mirror of my Spirit—God-In-Me. It's the only mirror you can count on for the Truth about you. Yes, the wounded child in me needs to be soothed so it can fade back into harmony, but I find that acknowledging the feelings and then climbing back up into Joy by doing things that my inner child loves to do are the best way achieve that. You don’t want to strengthen the ego by catering to it, you want to harmonize your energy with Truth so that the ego is a simply a non-player.

Do you remember the fable of the farmer that I told in Recreating Eden? When everyone else kept judging a series of events as either good or bad, he always said, “Maybe so, maybe not.” Simply know that, if something the ego desires does not come to pass, there is something else that is intended to occur—something more appropriate. And something that your ego can often, in retrospect, see the harmony in, even though it can't at first. It could be something that the ego labels as “better”—or not. But one thing you can always be sure of is that everything IS in Divine Order, and when the ego is trained to operate from that stance, life flows so much more easily. When your ego learns to release its grip on judging events, you will no longer have to spend any time away from the Joy-saturated frequency level of realm of your Spirit!

I think I’ll go apply some "Release," put on Earth Wind and Fire, and have a dance party with my inner child!

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on February 19, 2005 6:55 PM.

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