Ego is an addict

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Okay. It’s official. Ego is an addict. It doesn’t matter how much validation it gets, it always needs more, more, MORE. When it gets validation, it slacks off on it’s death grip on the flow of Life Force and allows you to feel happy. When it perceives that it is being invalidated (by others, by you—doesn’t seem to matter), or simply not getting as much approval as it would like, it starts clamping down on the flow, your frequency is lowered, and your mood is dampened. Sheesh! I know this. I really, truly know this—and yet I get sucked in over and over and over again.

What to do? Well, it’s for sure that getting angry, frustrated, or upset about it in any way is contraindicated. The only part of you that does get angry, frustrated, or upset is ego-aligned, too! Today when I found myself feeling that all-too-familiar feeling of being of no value and having nothing to contribute and furthermore, nothing that anyone appreciates (yes—I know—this is all irrational, but that’s ego!), I went to my “Atta girl!” file and read over the emails I’ve saved that people have written me to express their appreciation for the help/inspiration I’ve provided to them. It helped a little, but that voice that says, “Yeah—but that was then and this is now. Where’s the validation for today?” chimed in. See? Never enough. If a million people were to validate me, it would STILL not be enough, because ego is a bottomless pit.

The best I could do was to take a deep breath and simply allow my insatiable, very human need for validation and approval to be there. To my credit, I did not struggle with it or discount it—I simply observed it, and, yes, allowed myself to feel the empty feeling. Maybe my next step will be embracing the sad entity that can never get enough. That’s what is needed, I’m pretty sure. But it is not my first impulse when I feel the frequency drop that ego causes when it’s not getting stroked. My first impulse is to fight it and find a way out of its clutches, but that’s not effective. I know from experience. I am pleased that I did not do that today at least. Yes—I’m sure embracing it IS the way out. Okay—I know it is. Inclusion, acceptance, and Love—I guess those are 3 names for the same thing—are always The Way.

I’m sure there will be more on this topic…

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on August 1, 2006 3:04 AM.

At last was the previous entry in this blog.

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