Today I'm in Raleigh, N.C., having left home (Denver) yesterday in the midst of an emotional meltdown. Too many nights of staying up too late plus standing on a busy street corner waving a sign for Kerry-Edwards on election day , etc., etc., and, primarily, the heartbreak and horror of Bush's re-election, had done me in. I have never in my life wanted so badly to just go back to my warm bed with the pups and curl up in a ball and stay there for weeks. But I had a plane to catch so I cried much of the early morning while I finished packing, etc., and cried on the way to the airport. Thank God for Rick who helped me hold it together. He has a way of allowing me to process while at the same time, gently prodding me to keep on keeping on.
In one sense, it's not that anything really changed with the realization that the Bush people won, it's that now we see vividly the state of things in the duality matrix, with the U.S. being reflective of the planetary condition. And it's shocking to realize how much work there is to do to heal the separation. I spoke with a friend who said the whole thing made her tempted to chuck her ministry and run away to the mountains and be a hermit. While I was so there, I managed to get in touch with Truth and tell her that this is just a sign that we are needed more than ever. And it's true. But I do believe that hunkering down to lick the wounds is also important.
Part of my reluctance to leave home yesterday is because I would have no opportunity to regroup, to cry out the pain and find center again. I can handle almost anything when I can process my emotional energy, but airports and airplanes are not really conducive to that. So I hung in there, got to Raleigh (via a plane change in Atlanta) and was very, very glad to be staying at my sister's house where I knew she'd be feeling the devastation, too, and would understand my need to meltdown.
After a restorative night's sleep, I'm preparing to spend the afternoon with Mary, my favorite therapist, where I have no doubt emotional release will be the order of the day. I even wonder if the reason I set my trip up for now is so I'd be able to see Mary, without realizing just how much I'd be needing her. I must find my radiance again as I have a very full weekend of events to lead, both here in Raleigh and in Charlotte. Ironically, prior to leading an afternoon workshop at Phoenix Rising in Charlotte , I'll be doing the church service at New Directions (meets in the community room at P.R.) Sun. and my lesson title is Unconditional Radiance! Guess I will be practicing that in a more acute way than I'd ever have planned when I came up with the topic a few weeks ago!
Off, now, to see Mary!
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