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For the last few weeks, I have been grooving on all the expansive energy I’ve been feeling around my mission to bring the understandings I’ve received about recreating Eden to mass consciousness. It is thrilling to finally have others catching on in larger numbers and to be excited about message. I’ve had fabulous feedback and my ego, which is not patient OR faithful, but has had to keep slogging along grudgingly without much proof till now—without the confirmation it felt it needed—has been reveling in it all. BUT, there’s a downside to all this, as I’m discovering!

Because my ego had been craving what all egos want—validation—and because it is finally receiving that, my focus shifted, ever-so-subtly, from the clear, pure voice of Spirit sounding within me, to ego. (Remember in Genesis 3, the serpent, which is the driving force of ego, was described as the most subtle of creatures? That’s how easily the shift occurs.) While ego is doing it’s happy dance, it turns loose of its death grip on your frequency so that your joy quotient can rise. But how quickly ego goes from celebration to needing another hit of appreciation; another fix of external “you’re doing well, Julia”! Like a heroin addict, needing more, more, MORE to get high, the ego is never sustained for long by the glow gained from external confirmation!

Of course you know—especially if you’ve read Recreating Eden—what happens when your focus and receptivity shifts from Spirit to ego—your frequency drops. So there I was this morning, seeking another fix—seeking more external confirmation that what I do makes a difference. And feeling a lot less joyful than I’d like to. I will also tell you that something specific happened today that contributed to my frequency decline as well. I got some disturbing information and responded to in a way that, in retrospect, I see I could have handled much more effectively. I ended up offending someone that I care about, and felt really awful about it. So, it was time to do some intentional joy “work” and as usual, I got my “Release” and my “Joy,’ essential oil blends out, put on my favorite move out stuck energy music, “Ashes” by Cris Williamson, and did some intentional grieving because my solar plexus was all jammed up and ucky-feeling. Then I listened to Andreas Vollenweider’s "Down to the Moon," my favorite transition-to-joy music. (Of course, Earth Wind and Fire is my all-out, dancing-down-the-hallway joy music!)

I’d like to tell you I feel great now—but that would not be the truth. I somehow managed to attract another sticky situation tonight that has forced me to think about things I’d rather not (which, of course, means that thinking about them is the path to power!), and it’s just been one of those times when I have to wonder why I’ve created such a downer! Um, I mean, "opportunity" (wry grin). However, I am doing what I know how to do to raise my frequency, and little by little, I’m pulling out of it and seeing things more clearly. I still feel like I need to cry some more. And I will. (Crying to release the uck is a great way to raise frequency.) There’s a wonderful song by Cris from her tour- de- force album, “The Changer and the Changed,” called “Waterfall.” It starts out with:

“Sometimes it takes a rainy day
Just to let you know
Everything’s going to be alright”

And the chorus goes:

“Filling up and spilling over
It’s an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all”

I love that song. Reminds you that everything goes in cycles. Feel sad? This too shall pass. Feel elation? This too shall pass. At least until we have sufficiently divested from our egos. At any rate, I shall be in joy again in no time.

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Where To From Here?

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on October 21, 2005 2:48 AM.

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