Reversing the trend

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Amazing! In trying to figure out what I'll need to take with me to wear when I visit my family in NC next month, I just tried on the last pair of jeans I had outgrown in my seeming subconscious quest to have a Buddha-like figure, and I was able to get them on and zip them! A miracle! I wouldn't have even tried except that I heard a tiny whisper of encouragement to do so while looking at some jeans online, and when I dowsed to see if they would fit, the rods promised me "yes." I really wouldn't have even subjected myself to the possible disappointment if not. I don't look fabulous in them or anything--but I can zip them without straining and if I wear a non-clingy top with them, I look pretty okay!

I guess the last few weeks of dietary consciousness have actually netted results. I've a long way to go before I hit the target weight I have decided upon--not my ultimate target, but the first one to shoot for--but it would appear that I've managed to turn the trend around! That's HUGE--pardon the pun.

For so long, I have truly felt deeply compelled to be fat. Deeply. Like--when I thought about losing weight, I felt major resistance within, as if some sub-personality or another just NEEDED to be fat to serve some really important purpose. I'd think about being fat and it felt good! I couldn't even feel a desire to be thinner. No matter how much I disliked that I was growing out of yet another size of my clothes, and knowing that I was being judged for my burgeoning size, it was as if there were a more important mission being guided from within: to be a blimp.

So what has changed? I honestly don't know what internal thing has shifted. It's like my memory of whatever major inner change I made is shrouded from me. (I like to say that I don't remember because I'm just so in the moment--you have my permission to use that one the next time you can't remember what you did yesterday!)

I have done a bunch of things that have contributed, I'm sure: I chose a number I want to see on the scale and I visualize it whenever I think about it. I did some forgiveness of various events and people. I decided to be more conscious about my eating. I've stopped eating late at night, which was a pattern I'd gotten into. I watched Paul McKenna's "I Can Make You Thin" program on TLC and tapped along (EFT) with him to shift my emotional eating patterns--my eating has always been emotionally based (you can watch and follow along with the EFT videos on his site).

Suddenly, now, when I overeat, I feel horribly nauseous. I don't know of anything I've done to cause that, except to trust my Spirit to do what is needed. Oh, yeah--I did turn over the whole thing--surrendered the weight and the struggle--to my Spirit. I guess that would be the shift, huh?!

Anyway, we shall see how it goes. I really had no idea I had lost any weight at all. What a thrilling surprise! Because however much some part of me wanted to be fat, there is now a desire to be really healthy. Do you think this may be yet another part of re-learning to honor mySelf? I do.

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Lori said:

Julia, I recently put up an article on my site about conscious eating that may interest you. It really can change everyone's struggle with food, even if they don't change their diet. Sounds like you're on the right track though. :)

Hi, Lori~

I somehow missed your comment before. I'll go check out your article!


Love, Joy, Ease,


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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on March 29, 2008 5:51 PM.

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