Shifting out of misery

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There are just sometimes when I create my own misery, am fully aware that I’m doing it, but can’t seem to get myself to make a shift. Such was the case with my Saturday. Actually, it all started Friday, when I discovered that the kitchen drain had backed up—again—in the basement. Since it was inconvenient for a variety of reasons to have the plumber come out Friday, I arranged to have him come Saturday morning. I really don’t like having service people in the house. Even though this company has about the nicest technicians you would hope to meet (we’ve had drain problems a lot!), I still don’t like having people in the house unless they’re my good friends or family—and even then, I’m usually ready for them to leave sooner rather than later. Nothing personal—I’m just funny about my space. So I was dreading having the service guy come to clean out the drain. In fact, I was so annoyed about it, I let it impinge upon my enjoyment of Friday afternoon and evening. And Saturday morning. And, as it turned out, most of Saturday afternoon. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with and that was all I could think about. Even the inconvenience of not being able to use the kitchen sink paled in comparison to me just wanting the plumber to have come and gone.

I was unhappy to have to get up earlier than normal to be ready for the appointment in the morning, but I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. And waited. And then I started getting irritated because Rick was sleeping and wasn’t up to entertain me while I waited. (Are you starting to see how I was choosing to swim in reverse polarity?!) I tried to stop feeling irritated. I tried to relax, but I just wanted this to be OVER so I could resume my free and easy weekend. When the 2-hour window had passed for when the plumber was supposed to be there, and no word at all, I called and the operator told me he was tied up on another job but that he would be there as soon as possible. Another hour and a half passed, and while I had tried to relax and go with the flow, I was getting more annoyed and more annoyed. All I could seem to do is stew in my own juices. I had been planning to work on my joy article, but the state I was in didn’t seem like the right vibe to include. Not to mention, when I’m waiting for something, I get fidgety, and concentration is a challenge. Argh. “When will this be OVER?!!!” I kept thinking. I have never counted waiting among my strong suits. Anything but.

To top it off, every time the dogs went outside, they would bark like their life depended on it at the neighbor dogs, and that was annoying me more than usual, so I stormed out to get them to be quiet, and once there, realized it was warm out and that it felt pretty good. I decided to do the scooping that was past due (hey—it matched my mood!). And then something happened as I got into the rhythm of cleaning up the yard. I spotted some grass that needed pulling, and I pulled it. While bent over to do that, I noticed that the early tulips were up—always a hopeful sign of Spring. In the same bed, I ran my hands over the new green lavender leaves poking through the dried ones, and inhaled the fragrance of heaven. I felt the sun on my shoulders and it was wonderful. I went in and got a book and a glass of water, pulled a chair into the sun, and allowed it to melt my irritation. I sat and read until I was in the shade and the breeze became a little too cool. Meanwhile, the dogs found some old marrow bones and settled down quietly to enjoy them. Heaven. When I decided to go inside, they came with me and we snuggled up on the sofa to read some more. It was now 3 plus hours since the lady told me the plumber would be right over, but I no longer cared. I had somehow found the way out of the endless loop of annoyance. When he finally came, it was just about painless. I stayed on the sofa with the pups, and Rick kept the plumbing guy company (who was yet another nice guy). It certainly was not an experience to dread. And the sense of intrusion I felt with him here was far less than the sense of intrusion I created with my dread and the feeding of my sense of disruption. I am the one who disrupted my weekend—not the plumber! The more I had fought myself and told myself I shouldn’t feel that way, the more ensconced my irritation had become. Thank you, Mother Nature, for grabbing hold of me ever so gently and leading me out of my self-induced misery. The key was not in trying to resist—not in trying to make myself let go, but was in staying in the moment, appreciating the magic unfolding around me, and allowing myself to be drawn into the Divine Design for Wholeness and Harmony and upward in frequency back into joy. That was a lesson I could not miss! And you can bet it's being incorporated into my joy article.

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on March 14, 2005 5:49 AM.

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