No more fear of persecution
I went to the chiropractor Friday with no particular agenda--just went in for a checkup and an adjustment. When he asked how I was doing, I found myself telling him my knee was still hurting a lot, and that I had the sense that the problem stemmed from some deep resistance to moving forward with my career. While muscle testing me with the N.E.T. process, he started asking questions to get to the emotional root of the problem, and we uncovered that it is a fear of being persecuted--murdered--if I become well-known. Sounds a little nuts, but that's what was there. (Just so you'll know, I'm not at all consciously worried about being murdered!) To find the origin of that, he continued to test me and found that something that had happened when I was age 7 that was at issue.
When he asked me what happened at age 7, I immediately flashed on Sunday school at the Methodist Church I attended growing up. And when he asked me what about that was significant, I knew without a doubt that it was studying about Jesus being crucified for challenging the status quo with his radical ideas and for claiming to be the Son of God. I claim to BE God--how radical is that?! Of course, I claim that you're God, too! And I believe the insights in my book were provided to me from the entity that was known to us as Jesus. I also feel that I may be from the same soul group. So there's a definite energetic connection there.
Dr. Stimson then had me focus on the feeling of the fear of the memory of that while he very rapidly did all kinds of interesting acupressure moves and testing, and I instantly got very hot and started perspiring like crazy (this is out of the ordinary for me). I could feel all kinds of energy moving, and overwhelming waves of emotion coming up and out. It was funny because I felt like deeply sobbing and did cry a little bit, but I was so overwhelmed, I could hardly let go and cry. I was a little reticent to just break down and bawl because my appointment wasn't going to last long enough to really do that, and I didn't want to leave the office totally unglued! When it was all done, though, I didn't feel the need to cry anymore--I was just awestruck. It felt like something huge had been released, and the doc said it made perfect sense that my body reacted like that because what I had just let go of was major, indeed. The words spontaneously came up in my mind "I don't have to be crucified again."
Now I want you to know that I am not deluding myself that I am Jesus--at least, not beyond the knowing that we are all One, so in that sense, I am Jesus. And I am everyone else as well. As are you. But I guess I was so attuned to that Jesus energy, and so identified with the persecution factor, I could feel that fear in a visceral way, and the relief of knowing I didn't have to go through that was so freeing. Who knows? All I know is that whether I was ever personally crucified in a past life or not, I don't need to worry about it happening in this one! I also let go of the fear of being publicly criticized during this session, and that is HUGE for me. All in all, I felt that something really had lifted from me.
When we were finished, it dawned on me that it was Easter weekend. I exclaimed, "Wow! It's Easter weekend--how appropriate is that?" and Dr. Stimson said, "What's really appropriate is that it's Good Friday!" That fact had not even occurred to me. Whoa.
Interestingly, a similar thing happened while I was writing Recreating Eden, and you can read about it in my blog entry from last Easter...
Anyhow, my last frequency scale measurement had been 810. After the session, it was 900. And, I'd like to say my knee is completely healed--it's not, but it is doing better. I think there is more to uncover, and I think I'll be getting to that very soon. Meantime, I'm feeling very much empowered about moving forward in my career!
On another note, Rick and I went to Boulder last night and had a really great dinner at the Med, and then went to see Cris Williamson in concert. Fabulous! It was part of the tour for the 30th anniversary of her seminal album, The Changer and the Changed, and she had 3 phenomenal women with her singing backup (and doing their own thing as well), and it was really wonderful. Loved it!
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