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I've always understood that in order to do what I came to the planet to do, I would need to be well-known. It's just a part of getting the message out in a big way. And, while I'm happy to do whatever is needed to accomplish my mission, there have been some apprehensions I've needed to work through about becoming better known. I've done emotional clearing work on this topic both with Mary Mooney in N.C., and here in Denver, with my chiropractor, Dr. Stimson, who utilizes the Neuro-Emotional Technique. Around Easter this year, I wrote about working through the "crucifixion complex" with him, and I have, indeed, felt freer, and it has opened up things so that more people are finding me and the message. But there are other issues with becoming better known that I am now having to learn how to deal gracefully with.

I am thrilled that people are finding my work, and the Source energy I channel, to be attractive, and that they are perceiving me as having wise counsel. Indeed, that is my desire, and the key to my effectiveness at bringing people to seeing the holistic vision that I been provided with to share with humanity. I love that as I am more and more aligned, and putting more and more inspired writing and teaching out in the world, more and more people are finding the message and resonating with it. Yes, yes, yes!

BUT, I am needing to learn how to establish boundaries in a way that I haven't really needed to before. I'm finding that, because of my openness and sharing in a very personal way (which I believe to be crucial to doing what I'm meant to do), people are feeling a resonance (so far so good), and wanting to have personal dialogs with me--and, often (and here is where the problem comes in for me), about their life challenges and issues. Please know that I absolutely love having personal exchanges, and I have always welcomed people to approach me personally, but what I'm finding is that I am not easily able to do what I need to do in a larger way when I spend time with people one-on-one, counseling them on their personal issues. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE doing one-on-one counseling. My attunements are one of my very favorite parts of my job. But they are by appointment, are very intense, and take place within a finite time period. Yes--I do charge for them--and that makes them all the more valued by the people who avail themselves of them. And, it makes it possible for me to afford to do the other parts of this work that I do at no charge.

Yesterday, when someone approached me from a place of need, telling me all the things that were not right in her life, saying she wanted to connect with me, my alarm bells went off. I referred her to my attunements page, and to my friend, Dr.Barbara Rose's website, which has instructions on finding answers from your God-Self, and to her Yahoo group, where I thought this person might find help with what she felt challenged by. I knew that I did not need to become engaged in trying to help her one-on-one.

Her response was that she didn't feel she needed counseling or help--she just wanted to connect with me because she wanted to surround herself with healthy people, and people she felt were walking the path in the way that she intended to. While I understand that, it didn't feel like that to me since her approach was from a "This is what is wrong in my life, I want you to be my friend" standpoint. What a gift, though--it really got to me in a way that let me know that I need to clarify some things within myself. The boundaries must be drawn from within, and I need to be comfortable with making them clear without so much fear of hurting someone's feelings or, bottom-line, being continually fearful of not being liked. While I felt I expressed my boundaries pretty well on the outside, internally, I guess I was putting out a mixed signal. The not being liked things boils down to abandonment/survival fears--as do pretty much all fears of the emotional sort! When I went to see Dr. S., yesterday afternoon, we did some NET and cleared up my emotional issues around the idea that it's "okay to say no." I felt relief from that.

My challenge is in making it clear that I value whoever shows up in my life, but that in order to do what I need to do, I will not be able to be personal buddies with everyone who might be attracted, and that certainly, I can't be an ongoing personal counselor to lots of people. Geez--just writing that pains me! It sounds so exclusive, and that is not how I feel. See? I need to clarify this within myself so that I am putting out a clear signal. I think the thing is that Sweet Julie, my inner child, is worried about hurting people's feelings. The term "too big for my britches" is what I am hearing. "Selfish" is another internal accusation I'm hearing. I wonder how other teachers deal with this?

Meanwhile, I do love hearing from you--I'm always so excited when I get your emails and blog posts sharing something interesting, expressing your appreciation, or something you discovered as a result of something I wrote or said --AHA! I just had an insight! My giving takes place in a larger arena--my articles, my forum posts, my blog posts, and my book-writing, require most of my energy and focus, and when I'm asked to expend energy counseling someone personally (because, after all, it does seem like we're buddies because of the personal way I come across), it feels like I'm not leveraging my energy. (That was NOT the aha!) The aha! is that I need to get very clear within myself that I am giving plenty and that in order to continue giving to more people, I need to learn to set healthy boundaries!

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Deborah said:

Failing to set boundaries, or learning how and when, is what leads so many of us astray. I see no need for apoligising for it.

Julia said:

Hi, Deborah~
My first response when I read your comment was to say to myself, ""But I was not apologizing!"" As I contemplated it further, I suppose, in a way, I was.
I appreciate your input. It has been valuable in my process of finding clarity with the issue. Thanks!
Love and Joy,

Deborah said:

Synchronicity! I was about to ""edit"" my previous post for spelling and syntax and saw this just before heading to your site;
""Striving for perfection is the greatest stopper there is…It's your excuse to yourself for not doing anything. Instead, strive for excellence, doing your best."" -- Sir Laurence Olivier
""Our deepest fear is NOT that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ""Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God: your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."" -- Nelson Mandela
""Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."" -- Charlie ""Tremendous"" Jones
Peace be with you,

Julia said:

Hi, again, Deborah~
You quoted:
""Our deepest fear is NOT that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ""Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God: your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.""
I love that quote! Just for the record, that was originally said by Marianne Williamson in her book A Woman's Worth, and quoted by Nelson Mandela in a famous speech (to whom, I can't recall).
The last quote, I would take issue with. I believe that when things ""go wrong"" it's because you are operating outside the Divine Design for Harmony, and have dipped into the trouble zone called ""duality."" Period. That we learn from these experiences is simply a nice feature of our humanity, but not the purpose of them!
Just taking an opportunity to clarify things from my perspective!
Love and Joy,

Deborah said:

That will teach me to check a quotation for accuracy before I print it. As for the last quote, I meant to delete it out as I have no idea who the author is, but...
As someone who went through many tragedies that separated my from my peers (it is not the age, it is the mileage), I had to make a choice; stay bitter and wallow in despair, sorrow, and shock, or pick myself up, brush myself off, and learn something from the situation whether it was of my own making or not. I became stronger as a result.
One tragedy I suffered as a very young woman profoundly changed the course of my life. A sibling announced that I had somehow been ""asking"" for it or ""pulled it"" into my life. This was someone 16 years older than myself. It took me over 20 years to learn that others' opinions are just that. It is extremely hard to be completely objective, and most people don't even try. This person's incomprehensible cruelness affected me for years until I realized that everyone knew how incredibly self-centered and egotistical she was, except me!
The point is that sometimes bad things just happen, even to good people. The strong learn to benefit from even the bleakest experiences; there really is a silver lining in every cloud, sometimes you just have to look really hard.

Julia said:

Ah, Deborah! No worries on the quotes. I was glad the last quote was there as it gave me a chance to speak to the idea of ""lessons.""
We absolutely learn things from life, my point is simply that I don't think that lessons are the reasons behind the things we experience. I think they are incidental.
As far as ""bad"" things happening to ""good"" people, I have much to say on this topic, but not time to say it right now! I've been thinking of writing an article on this, so you've given me an extra nudge!
Love and Joy,

Deborah said:

Look forward your input on that subject. I followed the serial murder cases in Louisiana, so many of the women had wonderful lives and seemed, by all acounts, to be genuinely good, loving individuals. Then there are the other women; poor, minority, substance abusers, etc.. All met the same fate. The mystery of life.

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on July 15, 2006 6:58 PM.

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