No one can push your buttons unless you have them

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If you’re really lucky, someone will do something that pushes your ow-y buttons and you’ll be far enough along in your spiritual growth to know that no matter how inconsiderate or potentially hurtful what the other person did was, when it comes right down to it, it’s all about what is inside you.

I had a rude awakening this week. Someone close to me did something that I perceived to be extremely disrespectful—a betrayal of our relationship—and I felt the sting in a powerful way. At first, I was focused on what she had done “to me,” and felt all the disempowered feelings of a victim. Very painful. Even though I immediately knew at a rational level that I was just as responsible as she was for what had transpired, and probably even more so because we create by virtue of our vibration, (I didn’t just start this spiritual growth thing yesterday!), I still felt profoundly wounded by her actions.

But as the shock wore off, I began to realize at a visceral level that her actions had revealed something within me that needed to be healed. Because of what she had initiated, I was able to look in the mirror and see that there was a deep, core issue that I had not tended to—one that had been there since early childhood. The feeling that she had stirred up was not unfamiliar, though rarely as strongly felt, and as I began to roll it around in my mind and heart, I could see what it was and how the seeds of it within me had been planted and how they had continued to create situations with a similar theme throughout my life.

As I began to claim responsibility, I felt myself climbing in vibrational frequency, and as is the usual phenomenon, what had seemed like a devastating problem began to look like an opportunity. And as I embraced the situation and accepted it and allowed Love to flow, I climbed even higher in frequency and my view of it changed even further.

I began to see that it was not really a problem but a profound gift. I even began to feel gratitude for “the one that done me wrong” because, though I don’t condone what she did, I see from a higher perspective that she did what she had to in order for me to wake up and heal this very primal wound within me. That’s a soul mate for you.

I am not yet sure exactly what I am going to do to re-wire this within me, but I’m going to keep surrendering and surrendering to the remarkable wisdom of my Higher Self. I’m going to continue to feel gratitude at this opportunity to change the belief of the wounded child within me that very long ago took on the erroneous idea that I am a being of insignificance who doesn’t warrant respect from some of those closest to her. I am going to disable those buttons somehow and transform my experience because that is the blessing in all this.

Yes—this is an opportunity and a great gift, indeed.

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Sibylle said:

thank you for being such an inspiration - again, as always! I admire you for having such tremendous insight and maturity in dealing with this. It's one of the things I'm still struggling with myself; haven't quite arrived in Easy World in that respect!

Julia said:

I appreciate that, Sibylle! I am learning that having Easy World as a guiding light helps me get through such times more easily.
We were discussing the "What would Love do?" question in conjunction with Easy World today on the Easy World Forum, and I mentioned that I have been using that a lot lately. It's a really powerful guide. And an instant ticket back to EW if you're ready to go!
So glad you piped up, Sibylle--I love knowing you're reading my blog.
((((((((hugs back!))))))))))

Amit said:

Hi Julia,
It's good to hear you talk about what you went through. Reading that also helped me because not only did it remind me of a situation I've been going through recently but also reminded me that others too are going through or have been through similar expeirences and so it's good to sometimes look to others for guidance.
It also coincides with my blog post for tomorrow...sort of! :)

Julia said:

Thanks, Amit.
I know that whatever any one of us goes through must surely relate to what all of us experience. Sometimes, knowing that my handling something well makes a difference for others is incentive not to allow myself to dissolve into ego...and then again, allowing ego to navigate just seems to get one deeper into pain, so it's more about not wanting to hurt worse than any noble cause! LOL!
I'll check your blog tomorrow.

Deborah said:

Thanks for sharing. LOVE your Endless Pool.
As for your insight and action after feeling betrayed, it is sooo hard to take those things in stride that way, but it is the only way to diffuse the matter, grow, and move on. Kudos.
I went through a period of such betrayal by someone close after many other horrible things happened in my life that I felt breathless for so long. This "friend" told me that I was my own worst enemy for they couldn't have betrayed me if I hadn't told them my business. She was right, and more importantly, made it abundantly clear that she wasn't my friend and had never been. Both issues were my own to deal with, the inability to "see" a true friend, or not, and the need to discuss my sensitive matters with someone close. It was easier to deal with when I looked at it that way.
I went back a few more times for a helping of "reality" before I got that message, but I finally got it and am grateful because now I know better. Lonelier, but wiser.

Julia said:

Hi, Deborah~
You're welcome. I love my Endless Pool, too!
I just want to say that I hope you're not missing a big part of the lesson--the key is to accept yourself fully and respect yourself completely so that what shows up in the "outside world" is a match to that. It's not about not connecting intimately with others out of fear of a repeat hurt, it's about healing the betrayal of self and claiming your completely worthiness by virtue of your being.
NOT saying you need to cultivate that same person, just that when you take a stand for yourself *internally* and respect yourself fully, you won't create betrayal in your relationships because it will no longer be a pattern within you to outpicture.
At least that is the lesson I feel I've received.
Love, Joy, Ease,

Sibylle said:

Hi Julia, me again!
I hope you don't feel like we're all ignoring your newest blog entry, it's just that this subject here is one that features so prominently in my life, I feel I'm still very much in the process of learning that lesson.
And I thought I HAD understood the lessen... only deep deep down inside, I haven't. This part is what I stumble over every time:
"NOT saying you need to cultivate that same person, just that when you take a stand for yourself *internally* and respect yourself fully, you won't create betrayal in your relationships because it will no longer be a pattern within you to outpicture."
Julia, if you ever find the time and feel the inclination, I'd love to read a little more about that.

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This page contains a single entry by Julia published on May 4, 2007 10:51 PM.

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