April 2006 Archives
I was planning to make this blog entry all about my new iPod Nano, and I am going to talk about it, but I am so powerfully struck by an encounter I just had, I must share it. First, a little background. I have a torn meniscus—or at least, that is the consensus opinion among my chiropractor and osteopath and me. I have not had an MRI—that may be down the road, but I'm looking to heal it naturally, which I shall pursue with passion when I get back from my travels.
I am getting reading to go to North Carolina to do a bunch of events (NC folks—I hope you’re planning to come! I want to see you!!!) Under the best of circumstances, travel has been physically challenging for me because of my funky joints, etc., but with the knee injury, and being able to only hobble much of the time, and getting extremely tired and sore when I walk any distance at all because of the odd way my body has to compensate for the knee stiffness, etc., I was allowing myself to become truly terrified about making this trip. And yes—I know that the airlines do offer assistance, but I somehow created a huge obstacle in my head to getting that to happen easily, and that was reflected by what a challenge it was to even get to the point of having the right phone number to call at Northwest Airlines. But I finally found it, worked my way through the robot answering gauntlet, and my call was answered by an angel.
This lady was SO nice and sympathetic—I said to her, “You are THE nicest airline person I’ve ever talked to!” (And I’ve had some pretty nice ones here and there—and some really NOT nice ones, too.) And we had a lovely conversation about knee injuries and back surgery (hers) and how you sometimes just need to ask for help. She not only has arranged for a wheelchair from curbside in Denver and wheelchairs all the way throughout the trip, she got me aisle seats toward the front of the plane so I wouldn’t have to walk far on the plane. Now, I know that this is probably standard procedure, but I felt soooooooo loved during this process, I was just about crying with joy by the end of it.
Does that kind lady know how her gentility and caring is impacting the world? In just this one circumstance alone, she has helped to renew my sense of being beloved in the Universe and being watched over by angels. Talk about a frequency raiser! Not to mention, that the service she arranged for me will make it so that I am not totally exhausted when I get to NC and that will help me keep my frequency high so that I meet and pull down and channel the higher frequency energy and information more powerfully in my talks and workshops and attunements—and how many people will that effect? And all she did was to meet my request with divine Love and caring. It is just such a powerful example for me of why such seemingly insignificant encounters are so important. If she’d decided she was having a bad day and the airline business sucked and she was just biding her time, etc., etc., etc., and had treated me with less Love and compassion, it could have gone so much differently.
I think I know why I created that encounter. First—I asked the Universe for help with the travel. But even more powerfully, I have really been focusing on “romancing my Spirit” over the last 12 hours. This was triggered by listening to my new iPod Nano. What an amazingly tiny but incredibly powerful little piece of technology! If you viewed it horizonally and compared it to the writing on this page, it is about as wide as 7 lines of 12 point type, about 52 characters long, and thinner than a pencil. I don’t know how much it weighs, but the .7 fluid ounce bottle of Wite-Out on my desk weighs about the same. I got it for my travels because I need an easy way to have the music for the workshops, etc. with me. (I can just hook it up to speakers.) Lugging a big ol’ boombox around was just not a great option.
Anyway, after loading the iPod, I was listening to some of my favorite music and as I often do, I was listening to the love songs in terms of me singing them to God, or vice versa, as the case may be. Talk about a frequency raiser! And I suddenly realized that I needed to think of God, my primary relationship, as my travel companion, and to trust that, just like Rick would if he were with me, that God would take care of every little need if I let “him.” (Appropriate to use “him” here, as I am perceiving God as the powerful masculine force in action-mode creating magic on my behalf.)
For more on this extremely empowering approach to your relationship with your God-Realized Self, and how to experience the Love you’ve always longed for (and create human relationships that are mirrors of this most important Love relationship) be sure to attend my May 23 free teleseminar, “Romancing Your Spirit.” I’m soooooo psyched for it!
Good grief. I truly did not mean to let so many months pass before I wrote another installment in the soulmate series! It's been since November that I wrote the 7th entry in the unfolding story, and I've been asked several times since to continue, with one person asking specifically about how Rick managed to break up with his girlfriend, so tonight I will add to the story at last.
So...as I left off last time, Rick and I were finally both on the same page with the knowing that we were in love and being powerfully drawn together, and Rick was knowing that he needed to break it off with...we'll call her "Susan" (not her real name). For him, it was really something terrifying to contemplate, as he had never broken up with anyone before. I, on the other hand, had a track record of breaking things off with men. Since the breakup of my first marriage, and learning the lesson of how much better it feels not to lie to yourself or to stay in a relationship where you're not fully able to be yourself and have the kind of emotional intimacy you really want, I'd never been inclined to stay in any relationship that was unhealthy. By the time I found Rick, I had lots of practice at taking my leave from men. So I was a bit perplexed at what the big deal was for him! But he is a very kind-hearted guy, and didn't want to hurt Susan.
I was eager for him to go ahead and do the deed, and, despite his trepidation, he was ready to just get it taken care of, but she got sick, and asked him not to come see her, much to Rick's chagrin, so his breaking up with her had to be postponed for a few days. In the meantime, we talked a lot about things, and I coached him to be lovingly honest and to visualize it going well. When at last (okay, it was only about a week, but a week at that point felt like months), she sent word that she was ready for him to come see her, I arranged to be at a girlfriend's house so that I wouldn't drive myself crazy wondering about it. I was really nervous for him, and prayed that she would take the news well and not be too hurt. Here is part of our email exchange from that day, Nov. 21, 1997:
I thank you for loving me, for being so open to my love, and for helping me see who I am capable of being.
I am so pleased with the progress you have made toward making tonight's duty clean, clear, and loving. I can feel your confidence and strength.
I'm pretty relaxed about it. For setting out to do something I have never done in my life, I'm surprisingly relaxed. All the visualizations and the talks we have had, as well as asking Spirit to be with me during this time, have made me as ready as I can be.
This is a blessed mission--a critical part of us becoming completely US without any unclarity to sully our union. As you know, (my inner child issues aside) it has always been somewhat of a cloud lurking in the background of this thing we call US, and after tonight, it will be cleared away, the integrity of US, complete.
I'm about 15 minutes from leaving for the Springs, and you know just what I need. The weather today--first the clouds coming in, then the sun peeking out, now the wind whipping up a bit, reminds me of the many possible outcomes tonight. All of them have one thing in common, and that is the very clarifying you refer to above. I look forward to that clarity and will hold the importance of it in my heart.
I am very glad that you understand that your being clear and being true to yourself (and to US) is ultimately a blessing to her as well. That will help you withstand the parts where you will see pain in her face. Temporary pain in exchange for her freedom to create something more appropriate for her. Growing pains. I will keep her particularly in my heart tonight.
I pray that she is able to feel the truth of this concept, as well. Growing pains... that will stick with me and come back when I need it, too. Thank you for your willingness to feel for her tonight!
And off he went. I expected it to be late when I heard from him, but was surprised when he called me a very short time after I knew he would have gotten to her house.
"It's done," he said, and proceeded to tell me that she had pretty much figured the whole thing out, and was expecting what happened--or at least, was prepared for it, and was not eager for him to hang around and hash things out, so she asked him to leave, which he did gladly. I was so relieved! I had braced myself for him to be really upset, with a possible report of her being really upset as well, but as it turned out, the whole episode was kind of anti-climactic since she had already intuited that it was over.
And then again--it was a spectacular moment, as we were finally free to be together! I'll stop here, and let Rick tell what he remembers of it from his perspective in the comments.
I went to the chiropractor Friday with no particular agenda--just went in for a checkup and an adjustment. When he asked how I was doing, I found myself telling him my knee was still hurting a lot, and that I had the sense that the problem stemmed from some deep resistance to moving forward with my career. While muscle testing me with the N.E.T. process, he started asking questions to get to the emotional root of the problem, and we uncovered that it is a fear of being persecuted--murdered--if I become well-known. Sounds a little nuts, but that's what was there. (Just so you'll know, I'm not at all consciously worried about being murdered!) To find the origin of that, he continued to test me and found that something that had happened when I was age 7 that was at issue.
When he asked me what happened at age 7, I immediately flashed on Sunday school at the Methodist Church I attended growing up. And when he asked me what about that was significant, I knew without a doubt that it was studying about Jesus being crucified for challenging the status quo with his radical ideas and for claiming to be the Son of God. I claim to BE God--how radical is that?! Of course, I claim that you're God, too! And I believe the insights in my book were provided to me from the entity that was known to us as Jesus. I also feel that I may be from the same soul group. So there's a definite energetic connection there.
Dr. Stimson then had me focus on the feeling of the fear of the memory of that while he very rapidly did all kinds of interesting acupressure moves and testing, and I instantly got very hot and started perspiring like crazy (this is out of the ordinary for me). I could feel all kinds of energy moving, and overwhelming waves of emotion coming up and out. It was funny because I felt like deeply sobbing and did cry a little bit, but I was so overwhelmed, I could hardly let go and cry. I was a little reticent to just break down and bawl because my appointment wasn't going to last long enough to really do that, and I didn't want to leave the office totally unglued! When it was all done, though, I didn't feel the need to cry anymore--I was just awestruck. It felt like something huge had been released, and the doc said it made perfect sense that my body reacted like that because what I had just let go of was major, indeed. The words spontaneously came up in my mind "I don't have to be crucified again."
Now I want you to know that I am not deluding myself that I am Jesus--at least, not beyond the knowing that we are all One, so in that sense, I am Jesus. And I am everyone else as well. As are you. But I guess I was so attuned to that Jesus energy, and so identified with the persecution factor, I could feel that fear in a visceral way, and the relief of knowing I didn't have to go through that was so freeing. Who knows? All I know is that whether I was ever personally crucified in a past life or not, I don't need to worry about it happening in this one! I also let go of the fear of being publicly criticized during this session, and that is HUGE for me. All in all, I felt that something really had lifted from me.
When we were finished, it dawned on me that it was Easter weekend. I exclaimed, "Wow! It's Easter weekend--how appropriate is that?" and Dr. Stimson said, "What's really appropriate is that it's Good Friday!" That fact had not even occurred to me. Whoa.
Interestingly, a similar thing happened while I was writing Recreating Eden, and you can read about it in my blog entry from last Easter...
Anyhow, my last frequency scale measurement had been 810. After the session, it was 900. And, I'd like to say my knee is completely healed--it's not, but it is doing better. I think there is more to uncover, and I think I'll be getting to that very soon. Meantime, I'm feeling very much empowered about moving forward in my career!
On another note, Rick and I went to Boulder last night and had a really great dinner at the Med, and then went to see Cris Williamson in concert. Fabulous! It was part of the tour for the 30th anniversary of her seminal album, The Changer and the Changed, and she had 3 phenomenal women with her singing backup (and doing their own thing as well), and it was really wonderful. Loved it!
It’s been a busy weekend, but I’m very proud to proclaim that I went to bed “early” both Friday night and Saturday night. This was very much needed—I’ve been quite driven lately, and it has taken a bit of a toll. So getting to bed before my eyes were shutting involuntarily was a treat and my energy level has really responded! This is something I need to commit to—better self care. I sometimes get so caught up in work, I don’t have much left for me. (Not a unique pattern, I realize!) If I’m going to keep going, it’s time to change my ways!
Something quite magical is going on in answer to a prayer I said…um…screamed…on Thursday night, and I’m eager to tell you about it, but I have a feeling that more of significance will be unfolding, and I am in the midst of hustling to get my Spring newsletter ready, so I will tell you about it later when I can really tell you all the juicy details. For now, I’ll share with you the big joy of the day.
It was sunny and 80 degrees and I worked in the garden today! Rick helped, and we got so much done that has been needing to be done, like digging up some invasive perennials and thinning out some things. I got a lot of cleanup done (I never clean the garden in autumn—I’m SO over gardening by the time the hard frost comes, I just can’t deal with it. What I’ve discovered is that letting the dead plants stay in place over the winter provides what is called in gardening vernacular, “winter interest.” So all the dead stuff from last year’s growth had to be removed—it’s actually fun in Spring because you get to see all the new green sprouting up and you know the beauty is on its way. So that was major fun for me.
As I posted on the Raise Your Frequency! forum today, being out there communing with Nature, breathing the fresh air and soaking in the sunshine is a real frequency-raiser. I was high as a kite after a short while of being out there playing in the dirt. Definitely a way to shoot me up to full on joy and ground me and balance me at the same time!
It was especially nice to have such a joyful time because today was the anniversary of the sad day last year that I flew home to North Carolina to say goodbye to Mom. Tomorrow is the anniversary of her departure from form. I can hardly believe it’s been a year. It feels so recent. I can still picture it all so clearly. But I actually feel it more acutely now than I did then—or, at least, I do from time to time, as little things bring back the remembrance that she is not here anymore, and I can’t just pick up the phone and call her when I think of something I’d like to share with her.
Then, it was too much to allow myself to feel. It comes in little waves—and sometimes big ones—over time—a gift of Spirit, giving you only what you can deal with, when you can deal with it. What I remember most about the whole experience of that sad weekend was how amazing my dad and my sisters—and I—were. How we handled everything so well and with one mind. It was definitely a very blessed occasion, and for one you never want to go through, it could hardly have been more filled with Love. (If you’re interested in knowing more, just go back to April of 2005’s blog entries and you can read about it there.) I just want to add that Dad is doing SO well—he has sad moments a lot, but doesn’t let it stop him from living. His attitude is remarkable. I am so proud of him.
Okay—so I’d better sign off here and get back to the newsletter prep! Look for it this week.
Recently, my "stuff" has come up in a new way around prosperity/poverty consciousness. Even though I've been consciously addressing this stuff for 20 years or more, I guess I've gotten to a new layer of the onion, so to speak, and I'm starting to realize just how dang comfortable I am with certain restrictions that lack provides! ICK! Well--okay--that I've recognized this seems like a huge step. So I do celebrate that!
What’s brought all this up is that with all the of the Law of Attraction resources I’ve been looking at lately (I’m currently reading Joe Vitale’s Attractor Factor), I’m trying on many of the techniques and finding myself reticent and unwilling to commit. In exploring why, I was guided to recognize that I have been, at some level, afraid to be free--or, rather, just so used to being restricted by lack, that it somehow seems frightening to let that go.
I sometimes feel that I am wrapped tightly in a sheet and that somewhere along the line, instead of trying to free myself, I’ve just snuggled down and decided to accept it—after all, it’s feels safe—like a cocoon. But never completely—it’s not actually comfortable—I still long to move and to be free of it—at least part of me does. What becomes of a butterfly that does not shed its cocoon?
I am ready to find new ways of being willing to move out of my "safe" feeling of being restricted by money issues into greater freedom. So, with the intention of expanding my “safety zone,” my new affirmation is "I'm willing to enjoy more wiggle room." (Saying simply that I'm willing to enjoy freedom is for some weird reason a little too scary so I’ll work up to that!)
Why, I wonder, would I have created a feeling of comfort at being restricted? The notion that it serves me is only an illusion. I need to move out of that zone and into the zone of full-on prosperity--if for no other reason than the success of the book and my mission of service--it's hard to have a bestselling book if the author isn't ready and willing to receive money! I don’t want to hold this life-changing perspective away from people because I’m too afraid to come out of my sheet!!!
I do think I’ll devise a visualization about emergence. I think I will be a butterfly coming out of its cocoon and happily sipping nectar from the money tree! (I don’t care that my dad says it doesn’t exist!!!)
Just a quick note to say that I've returned from my journeys and have adventures to share--but am just too tired to do so right now. I'm needing a little time to recover from the whirlwind of the last 3 weeks.
Today, in addition to regaining my bearings, catching up with business, and beginning to sort out the mess that's accumulated during this crazy time, I've been doing some grief work. Thankfully, I now have some time and space to do it.
Hopefully, I will be blogging at some point this weekend!